life after the forest.

goodbye, coach.

2007-07-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

We are going to miss you, Skip.

Thank you for everything you did.

really?

2007-06-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

This is the email I just got from my mom:

Hey, Baby!

I was just reading your blog, and I love it. However, just a word from the wise to the wise. When you want to ensure that someone understands you, you "ensure", you never "insure" unless you are worried about a traffic accident or a liability lawsuit, etc. You gotta love me for this! I love you, Bud! God bless, Mom

Awesome, Mom. Just awesome.

done and done.

2007-06-25T07:19:00.001-07:00

So, session 1A has ended and session 1B has begun. I got to work Session Break, which was just incredible. Ha. Let's see... I know it's been nearly two weeks since I blogged. I'm trying to be a good TL. Oops. Umm... Ok, so my parents were here for closing and we took a Corbett/Hamilton picture. There were 9 of us at camp this past two weeks, and then a million more once parents showed up. People just began referring to us as Corbett instead of trying to differentiate names. I mean, whatever. It was pretty baller. My parents have recently started handing out coffee and doughnuts on opening day and come hang out every closing day. This in and of itself is not a problem. However, they have been given nametags that indicate who they are. This is a problem for a number of reasons. My mother has continually pointed out to me that her nametag is bigger than mine and, therefore, she is more important than me. Clearly untrue. I think people are beginning to think my parents are the reason I have my job when, clearly, it is the other way around. They would be nothing without me. Also, my mom walked up to me on closing day and pointed to her nametag and, in that delightfully Southern accent, asked me if the nametag was what I would refer to as "pimping." Note that the -g was included in that word. I smiled politely and thought to myself, "I would NEVER use the word pimping." Oh, Mom. Clearly, you are reading this, so keep up the good work. Session break was quite a trip. We were lucky enough to not know where ANY of the food orders were all weekend long, so scrounging for food for 70 people was phenomenal. Well, let me take part of that back. We ordered pizza as planned on Friday night. I call Crestridge to insure that we order a sufficient amount of pizza. I was told my the administration that they had "around 40 people, including staff." Therefore, I ordered enough food for 77 people, including boys camp. Little did I know that Crestridge was (surprise!) completely wrong and that they had a TOTAL of 22 people. So, there was pizza for 18 non-existent Crestridge girls. Yay for efficient ways of spending Camp's money. Hmm. On Saturday, we went to Fun Depot. I walked in and said, "Hi we are the group of 60 from Ridgecrest Camps." A look of terror swept across the face of the lady behind the counter as she frantically searched the files to see that, shockingly, we had not called ahead. Oh, massive miscommunications. However, they got us in and it was fine. I don't say all this to indicate that Session Break wasn't fun. Shannon and Adam were here. Albeit, they were much less drama-inducing than last year, which was a shame. But they were here, nonetheless. Now, I'm just tired. But don't worry. Plenty of time to rest. I'm taking the kids to Ghost Town today. Holler. May the Lord bless me and keep me.

italians and westerners.

2007-06-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

So, the session has been pretty rockstar so far. We started on Monday by going to Sliding Rock, as we do every year. It was cold. So clearly, I had to take my staff aside and say, "Please let's just pretend like we enjoy this. Otherwise, the kids will hate us... and life." So they did, and it worked. Praise the good Lord in Heaven. However, our bus was late that took us from camp to Sliding Rock. It was supposed to be there at 2:45... Well, the lady called at 2:45 and said, "The 3:00 bus you ordered will be late." I wanted to say, "Ma'am... the fact that you are telling me that the 3:00 bus even exists indicates its lateness... I ordered 2:45." But I was calm and polite and showed the love of Jesus in everything that I did. Because I dominate. Then we went to Little Sienna, the Italian restaurant in Old Fort. It dominates. The fake grapes hanging from the ceiling really make me feel like I'm back in Italy. But for real... home made Italian food. They open just for us. Clearly a dominant setup. The kids were well behaved, but I honestly think they plotted together before we went inside to spill as much as possible. Drinks and full plates of spaghetti were carelessly tossed around that restaurant like a freakin frisbee. I wanted to cry. But instead, I used my words to gently but firmly remind the children that careless behavior would not be accepted. Thennnnnnn... Tuesday, we went on our campout. We almost didn't go because of the weather. Then we went. And it was fun... the tarp was immaculately set up... the meals were cooked perfectly... the children were peacefully laying in bed. And then, due to unforseen circumstances... we had to night-hike back to camp at 10 PM. Baller. So, I clearly had to go back to Joshua's Hollow (which, as fate would have it, is not accesible by vehicle... awesome) and recover my packs with a number of other staff members. It was life-changing, really. One of our children is deathly afraid of thunder, so every time he heard it he started crying and shaking and generally freaking out. I had to remind him numerous times that I would not let him get hurt. It rained tonight. Loud thunder. Loved it. Oh yeah, and Shirley and I ran today and I was a little tired, I will admit. Little did I know that he would want to sprint the entire two and a half miles. I almost vomited. But I tried to play it cool. While trying not to vomit while running. Not an easy task. But then again, I'm a risk taker. Suckas.

están aquí.

2007-06-10T18:42:00.001-07:00

The kids are here. Praise the Lord, cause camp happens to be relatively empty without children. Go figure. Well, things have gotten off to quite a start. Umm... I have 30 children. Two of them are six years old. This is going to be incredible. My staff is the best in camp, no questions asked. They are really good with children. Hallelujah. I would just like us to note that both Tim Schneiders and I wore New Balances AAAAAAAAND tall socks. If you want to criticize my tall socks, you can back the heck off. Cause we dominate. My family got here today. There are 9 of us at Camp Ridgecrest for Boys this session. You may be wondering, is this the start of a Corbett dynasty? The answer is a firm yes. And I just used the word firm. Whatever. We took a big picture with the whole fam... we are an obnoxious Lebanese family. I love it. I mean, nothing has really happened for me to mock yet, so I can't really be that funny yet. But I can tell you one thing. Judging by the campers, there will be stories a-plenty. Fear not. That's all for now.

P.T.L.

mountain momma

2007-05-28T08:44:00.001-07:00

Here I am. Back at Ridgecrest... Which means a summer full of blogs again. There are no campers here yet, so very little weird stuff has happened... minus the man who sits outside of Dairy King nightly and is relatively unable to form coherent sentences. I like him. I am hoping that this summer brings a ridiculous number of funny stories. I want to laugh after crying/screaming. I'm excited for my staff to get here... and the kids. Duh. Clearly, more to come whne things actually happen.

Pray.

2007-04-16T16:22:00.000-07:00

Pray for Virginia Tech.

without a dope beat to step to.

2007-04-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time. And that's a sad, sad story. Ok, so let's review. I am back in America. And I am almost done with this semester. I don't really care to explain the entire semester. Sorry. Umm, but I will say one exciting thing. I am going to Cooter Fest 2007 tomorrow. T-shirts come in sizes up to XXXXXL, so I have a feeling that it will be phenomenal. I won't judge at all. Hmm.

Oh, and what would you do if you told someone that you were wearing your favorite shorts then she slapped nail polish all over them? Yeah... thanks Karen Neal.

oh julita.

2006-12-11T02:44:00.000-08:00

So this past puente (long weekend), I went to Sevilla to see Julie Ann. Well, let's just say that it was an adventure. The flight and everything was great. I took a cab to her apartment which she recommended, and it cost me 25 Euros. Needless to say, I was a little frustrated. But, whatever. I got there faster. Well, we went and got pizza and then met her friend Beth who is awesome. Later that night, we went to see the movie "The Holiday" or "Vacaciones" en español. It was really Christmas-y, so I clearly liked it. Before the movie, we met Beth and her friend Luis at McDonalds and had an interesting conversation. Essentially, he asked me loaded questions like, "What do you think about Spaniards?" and "What do you think about Spanish girls?" So I avoided them. For the second one, I just said that the mullet is a very different hairstyle than I see in the United States and I'm not a huge fan. So he turns to Julie Ann and tells her that her hairstyle is the kind old women wear in Spain. So she left the table, and I just sat there, perplexed (and slightly reminded of the time I made her leave the table at Hero House... good times). After the movie, which JA and I loved, Luis was like, "Ugh, it was so American. All those American movies have happy endings." I bit my tongue. Since when could people get snobby about Spanish cinema? I just smiled at JA, knowing that I am right and he is very, very wrong. We went home and ordered Chinese. I asked JA to order me soy sauce which she didn't. Her excuse was, "I didn't know how to say it." I just let it slide because, to be honest, it's hard being so good at Spanish. Umm, wait. The next day we just walked around the center of the city and did some shopping and hung out. We bought Elf at El Corte Ingles, which made us incredibly excited. As we were walking, trying to find a bank for JA, we found this world grocery store with Dr. Pepper in the window. Clearly, we went inside. They. had. Aunt. Jemima. pancakes. So, we bought them. And syrup. And cookie mix. We planned on having the cookies and pancakes that night. But, when we went home, our plans changed. We started making the cookies and ate about half of the cookie mix. Then we watched Elf. When Will Farrell starts eating the spaghetti with syrup and sprinkles, we both looked at each other and said, "Let's not do pancakes tonight." So, we went to the grocery store and bought lunch meat, pizzas, Coke, and pasta. And that's what we ate. We made the rest of the cookies and served them to the 5 other people staying in the apartment that night, 4 of whom do not actually live there. Go figure. But, Leila and her friend Faye came and joined us and we all ate together. Then, they left to go see flamenco and JA and I... watched another movie. This time, it was the one with Meryl Streep and Uma Thurman where Uma dates her psychiatrist's son who is 13 years younger than her. Gross. Then, we went to sleep. It was a great night. The next day, JA and I woke up relatively early and got on the train to go to Cordoba. I found out that I would have to leave Saturday instead of Sunday, which was incredibly annoying. Of course, I stormed out of the ticket office mumbling about how much I hate Spain. But, we got to Cordoba and realized that we had 8.5 hours until our train left. So, we looked for McDonalds. Along the way, we found some stuff that tourists came to see. But, we didn't feel like paying to get in, so we went to get a McFlurry. Only, the problem was that we looked for about 3 hours until we found one. And it was in a sketchy mall. Ugh. While we were standing at this one fountain, I tried to ask a man to take a picture for us. But, he had no reaction to me calling for him, and he just kept staring of distantly. He was wearing Armani glasses and a suit, so I figured he was a normal, non-threatening Spaniard. Well, 5 seconds after I called for him, he walked over and asked us if we spoke Spanish. We said yes, and he talked incredibly quickly for about 30 seconds about how hard it is for him to come to Spanish sights and want to explain their significance to people and not be able to because they don't understand Spanish. Clearly, I didn't know what the crap he said, so I smiled and nodded until he walked away. Then I laughed. So, because we were really frugal all day, we paid 14 Euros to go to the circus. We knew we were in for a treat when the man selling balloon animals before the circus did not have front teeth. We went in, and it was like we were in a bad movie. The show started with a woman dressed like a hooker spinning plates on sticks. Except, she stuck the stick in a hole on the bottom of the plate. Awesome. Then, two girls in THONGS came out and did some gymnastic thing. I was like, umm no wonder sex isn't a big deal here. Then, some dogs came out and played soccer with balloons. So, these dogs are playing soccer and one of the goalie dogs just squats and poops. On the floor. During the game. JA and I LOST IT! It was absolutely hilarious. Then, a fat man did gymnastic feats that seemed impossible for his portly body. And then we left. And it was cold. And we got home, finally made pancakes, watched the movie "In Good Company" and went to bed. It was, needless to say, an amazing weekend. Oh yeah, my train ride was 8.5 hours. And a woman passed out. That's all. I come home in 5 days. AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

MOTHER SO DEAR!!!

2006-12-02T14:05:00.000-08:00

Book me a ticket to Miami...
cause I'm going to see my boys play in the ORANGE BOWL!!!

ACC CHAMPIONS 2006!!!
GO DEACS!!!

breakin the promise

2006-11-29T04:39:00.000-08:00

I swore to myself that I wouldn't ever write a sad/angry/un-comically whiny blog, but I'm breaking that vow today. I have to say. I just miss the South. I miss Wake. I even miss (am I really saying this?) Concord, NC.

The South: I miss the place where people can honestly be proud of taking a week off of work and going to camp out in an RV outside a car racing track. I miss walking into Bojangles, or driving up to Cookout, and (in English) ordering a tea, and knowing that it will be sweet even if I don't say it or biscuits, and not get crackers or something of the sort. I miss the place where ACC basketball is second only to church in devotion and Tobacco Road is the only way to get anywhere important. I miss the place where saying "Y'all" doesn't get you stared at. I miss knowing that I can get to church anytime and in any city and people will welcome me with open arms and a huge meal immediately following the service. I miss having girls expect me to open a door for them and at least OFFER to pay for their meal. I miss seersucker, madras, Rainbows, Croakies, tucked-in Polos, and South Carolina belts. I miss having friends who can point at the homes where their families have lived for more than 100 years. I miss hearing sayings that you've never used before in your life (I'm as full as a tick on a hound) but also knowing EXACTLY what they mean. I miss everything that Charleston, SC represents. I miss the place where the argument isnt Coke vs. soda vs. Pop, but where everyone knows it's Coke and the argument is which Coke is better, Pepsi or Coke. I miss the place where Carolina is UNC, USC is South Carolina, UT is Tennessee, State is NC State, and the biggest rivalries are undeniably USC-Clemson and UNC-Duke. I miss fried chicken, corn dogs, hush puppies, pecan pie, and chicken pot pie. And I honestly miss the Bible Belt.

Wake: I miss knowing that we are, overall, the best institution of higher learning in North Carolina, if not the South. I miss turning up our nose at those public school Carolina kids or the ugly, introverted Dookies and pretending like NC State doesn't even exist. I miss wearing yellow-and-black tie-dye like it's going out of style, and not being ashamed in the least. I miss tailgating for football games like we are about to win the national championship. I miss girls in Lily and guys in shirts and ties. I miss rolling the Quad. I miss staying up until 5am writing the paper that should have been finished before your 2:30am Cookout run. I MISS THE 106!!! I miss clapping and screaming "Oh here's to Wake Forest..." I miss hearing mumbling throughout the alma mater and being shaken by the sheer volume of "MOTHER SO DEAR!" I miss the fact that Winston Salem refuses to be a college town. I miss seeing the leaves fall on the Quad. I miss 24-hour rooms in Tribble. I miss camping out for basketball games. I miss the feeling inside the Joel that gives me goosebumps every time the student section starts to cheer. I miss complaining about the Pit while we eat ourselves into oblivion. I miss the Loop, Hero House, Rose's, Mi Pueblo, La Carretta, and every other slum we go eat at. I miss getting fratted out for Bell Brothers and being eye-molested by Peaches and slowly clogging my arteries with maccaroni juice. And I miss friends. That's all. Take me back there.

oh here's to WAKE FOREST!!!

2006-11-28T01:56:00.000-08:00

Before I begin, let's take a moment to reflect on the awesomeness that is WAKE FOREST UNIVERSITY. Of our fall sports:
1. Girl's field hockey finished #2 in the nation.
2. Men's soccer is in the Final Four of the NCAA tournament.
3. Football is going to the ACC CHAMPIONSHIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!
I frickin love my school.

Well, the last week, the family was here, which was, obviously, amazing. They got here last Monday night, and we went to my apartment to pick up some stuff. Chace and I walked to the apartment and everyone else waited on us. Well, when Chace and I went back to meet them, we walked to the wrong corner and, because my family didn't have a Spanish cell phone, we were lost for two hours. Clearly, my parents were freaking out and they didn't know what to do, so they went back to the house we rented 30 minutes outside of town, found my phone number, and called me almost in tears. Classic. They thought we had been murdered or kidnapped. I, however, thought they were lost or carjacked. It was awesome. But, after that, everything was great. We went to the house, which was amazing and beautiful. I got to stay there for the week, which I loved. My brother and sister came with me to class the first day, but Chace just fell asleep in the middle of the class while Caitlen observed and/or criticized the people around us. Haha. I have taught her so well. Tuesday, we went to the Plaza Ayuntamiento and looked around and shopped a little. Then we went to meet my madre and her son. We went to the apartment and there the awkwardness began. Clearly, my madre doesn't speak a word of English and my parents don't speak anywhere near enough Spanish to communicate. So, I was lucky enough to serve as translator for a few hours, which is awesome becuase I can't understand what the crap Maria says half the time. My mother noticed that when she speaks to me and I don't understand, she rolls her eyes and walks away. So caring. She took us to a porcelain store. Thrilling, huh? I got to translate words about porcelain figurines. I thought I was going to just pull my tongue out of my mouth and end the whole thing there. Then, we went to get some horchata, which is this weird ice-creamy drink thing in Valencia. It was cool, but there was much more interpreting to be done. Love it. The next day, while I was in class, they went to this museum all day, which they loved. Thanksgiving rolled around and IT. WAS. AMAZING. Julie Ann came in town and Evan and Bethany came over and we had turkey and pork and ham and corn and mashed potatoes and buttered toast and broccoli casserole and sangria and agua de Valencia and Bailey's and coffee and chocolates and cake. Ooooooooooh I want more. Let me just say, going back and having another plate of paella made me sooo unhappy. We also jerry-rigged the iPod and iTrip to work over the radio here, setting it on top of a pile of books and a lampshade. So don't worry, we had Christmas music throughout the house the whole time. Yessss. The next day, me, JA, and the fam went to El Saler, which is supposed to be this really nice town. Umm... it wasn't. It was kinda gross, actually. So... we left. Oh... this third world country. Julie Ann left on Saturday and we ended up going to this amazing village. Oops. Oh yeah, and the fam left on Sunday, but not before we found out that WAKE IS GOING TO THE ACC CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!! I loooooooooove the Demon Deacons! Oh, and I'm coming home 4 days early. Yesssssssssss.

oh hey.

2006-11-22T02:51:00.000-08:00

This is a long blog. It's about London and Paris. But, I think it's funny. Oh, and there are new pictures on Facebook and Webshots.

London

Ok, so I clearly have been neglecting the little blog. In the last few weeks, I have done some serious traveling… not to brag. I went to London two weeks ago and it was amazing. I got in on Friday around 1:30 pm London time and headed to my hostel, which took about two and a half hours, due to ridiculous transportation difficulties (i.e. my Tube train getting shut down half way through my journey and having to go back and start it all over again… awesome). I finally got there and got dropped off in the middle of South Kensington. Luckily, due to the fact that I was alone, it was a really nice, clean, rich area. So, I found my hostel and put my stuff down. Josh was already there and it was nice to see a friendly face. I put on some cooler clothes because it was frickin cold outside and we waited for Drew, Cassie, and Alex. The hostel was nice, but I was angry (weird, huh?) because the pound totally poops on the dollar. Ugh. Who do they think they are? Just get the Euro… jerks. So, we headed over to visit Emily Seawright and Elizabeth Johnson, then went and changed in preparation for the night. We went to dinner at this burger place and then went to see “Evita.” The show was great. The main girl’s voice was really on-and-off, but I liked the show overall. Sitting by Josh, as usual, was an exercise in vocal reactions to vocal performances. Hearing “mm-MM!” and “You betta SANG!” in the middle of a West End production came to seem commonplace to me by the end of the weekend. After “Evita,” we went and bought chips and drinks at the grocery store, went to Drew’s apartment, and watched “The Office.” Awesome. The next day, Josh and I met Elizabeth Johnson early and bought tickets to “Wicked.” We went to eat at Burger King and Josh left my camera on the table. When I realized it, he had the gall to say to me, “That’s what you get when you let me carry it.” Clearly, our friendship almost ended at that point. But, my camera was fine. After that, we did sightseeing, which was fun, but… I am an awful traveler, because not much impresses me anymore. I’m like, “Cathedral? Been there. Palace? Done that. Ugly teeth? Welcome to this continent.” Then, we saw the show. Idina Menzel and her incredible jaw rocked my life. I met her afterwards. She spoke to me, saying… “You’re welcome.” There was a definite connection, I just felt it. So, expect to hear about a divorce from Taye Diggs soon. Me and that jaw are going to spend a happy future together. After the show, I watched the Wake game with Ashley Eldridge as we destroyed the Seminoles 30-0. I hate Florida State. The next day, we went to church at Hillsong London, which was incredible. Then, I went to catch my flight that night, only to find that I had missed it by two hours. Long story short, I had to buy a new ticket, spend the night in the London airport ALONE, and I cried for three hours straight. Oh yeah, and I stood in line for 10 minutes to buy a ticket home to America. I was like, “I’ll just fly back with my family next week.” Great logic, right? Oh yeah, and I didn’t tell my mom until a week and a half later. Oops.

Paris

I don’t ever want to be quoted on this, but Paris may have been my favorite place I have visited. Don’t get me wrong. My distaste for the French is clearly still at a steady “A lot” and I think Jacque Chirac is a tool and a half, but the city was freakin incredible. Well, I didn’t think so from the beginning. When we got there, we went to our hostel. We stepped out of the metro station and looked around, bewildered and scared. There were neon flashing lights, illegal cigarette vendors, trash everywhere, and a smelly chill in the air (yeah… a smelly chill). I looked around and was ecstatic to be standing in what appeared to be the red light district. We later found out that the Moulin Rouge was close to our hostel. Go figure. We started looking around for our hostel and I jokingly pointed at a building with neon lights on it and was like, “We are staying in the porn shop.” Well, as luck would have it, that building was, in fact, not a porn shop. It was our hostel. Well, we entered the front door to see signs saying, “Please do not leave anything valuable in your room.” How comforting. We checked in after the guy went next door to get change (what an efficient operation) and headed up to our room. Luckily, we had a four person room and a nice, non-stealing German girl as our roommate. We went and got pizza and went to sleep. The next day, we totally dominated Paris, starting with the Arc d’Triumph. We went all over the city, seeing everything. We spent about three and a half hours just staring at the Eiffel Tower. That night we went to the Louvre and saw the Mona Lisa and Venus de Milo. It was so awesome seeing all that. Chrissie was a ridiculously good tour guide. That night for dinner, we walked around for a while looking for a place and eventually stumbled on this baked potato restaurant. Amazing, and vaguely American. The next day, we again dominated sightseeing, hollering at Notre Dame and other random famous places. We saw Sacre Cour and drank hot wine, which I was skeptical of, but enjoyed. We saw Andie and her mom, who looks and acts like Molly Shannon. We also stopped and took a picture with our waiter at the restaurant who looked like Little Richard. We told him that he looked like me and Evan’s best friend from America, and Evan repeatedly called him Little Richie. That night, we saw this amazing photo exhibit and then went to dinner at this Italian place, where we ate… steak. Normal, right? Then, we had plans to go out, but to no avail. We got tired… and tried to find a cab in the rain for 45 minutes. We thought we found one, but then a woman behind us pointed out that there was a long line of about 50 people. Evan turned around and slowly transforming from his normal voice to that of a large black woman, said, “Oh y’all are standing in a… a line? Y’all is crazy as anything? Y’alls crazy. What is wrong wich y’all muh’s? Das ridiculus.” The people who understood English either laughed or just stared while me, Chrissie, and Bethany cried laughing. We woke up the next morning at 5:25 with the intention of leaving at 5:45, only to find that the front door was locked and the man behind the desk was nowhere to be found. I pounded on the desk with an empty glass orange juice bottle and went behind the desk to search for keys, to no avail. We eventually decided to make as much noise as possible, in hopes of him coming out, which he finally did with a half-smile on his face. I almost punched him square in the throat. He let us out, and we returned to Valencia triumphantly.

yes. yes. yes.

2006-11-08T02:56:00.000-08:00

Yes. It is over. Britney Spears is single again. I found out this morning, and it just made my day, especially since I was furious before that because I did not have hot water this morning for some unexplained reason. And after waiting for 20 minutes to no avail, I turn on the news to see that, thanks to unprecedented inadequacy, the Republicans have lost control of (most likely) both houses of Congress. Ugh. But... Britney. So, I'm a little happier. And... I have an extra story to add to my last post. I forgot this one. Julie Ann, Drew, and I were walking down a big street in Valencia this weekend, and a man stopped me. He asked me in Spanish if I speak English, so I said yes. Then he asked me if I liked cocaine. I thought I must have heard him wrong, so I said, "Umm, cocaine?" and he says, "Yes. A number of grams I don't remember and can't guess because I know nothing about cocaine prices for only 50 euros." And Drew, trying to be so incredibly helpful, starts laughing behind me and goes, "Yeah. That's a GREAT price. Do it, Shay." Then, I switched back to Spanish and told the guy, "I don't need anything. Thank you, though." Then we walked away, a little stunned. Yay for random drug offers.

Oh... and happy birthday to Evan. We are celebrating tonight. And in honor of his 21st birthday, Evan give an "I'm fully legal, ladies!!!" hollerback shoutout to:

1. the Spanish Siesta
2. Pepe at Plaza Redonda
and...
3. the homeless man in the Foot Locker jersey who begs outside of his window.
That is all.

que guay

2006-11-06T07:33:00.000-08:00

I have realized that it's hard being this cool. I mean... I have a blog. Like, I keep an online journal and beg people to read it. You might have missed the memo, but that makes me pretty much awesome. Or sad. Regardless, this was a good weekend. A really good weekend. Julie Ann and Drew came to visit. And clearly, it was a mini-106 reunion. I mean, we pretty much talked about last year the entire weekend. It was great. Julie Ann got here on Thursday and I picked her up from the train station. We met her friend Leila, who is awesome and went to her place, where Julie Ann was staying. It was a really nice apartment and I was jealous. Because I live in a closet. No big deal. Julie Ann and I walked from Leila's apartment over to the center of the city, which is about an hour walk. No big deal. It was raining. We are cool. We didn't even need a freakin paraguas (umbrella... get it right). We are that cool. So, we met up with Evan at this place called VIPS, which we had eaten at before. But, apparently this time, they thought that they should take advantage of us because we are Americans. It was awesome. They lied to us about the cost of a second thing of chips and cheese, and then charged us full price. Evan, Julie Ann, and I were all yelling at the manager lady in Spanish, which I think surprised her. But not enough for her to change it. So we filled out a complaint form, made her bring us the chesse we didn't order but paid for, and then dumped it on a plate in protest. I know... we are so bad-a. I'm surprised we didn't just burn the building down to make a point. Well, I tried. Whatever. Friday, I skipped class and hung out with Julie Ann and wrote a paper. That evening, it was still raining, so she and I went to Leila's apartment to wait for Sweet Drew. We turned on the TV and... on MTV... in English... was "Date My Mom" and "Parental Control"!!!!!!!!! We almost peed our pants. I mean, what kind of a 106-type reunion is complete without trashy MTV reality shows? It was a-may-sing. Then, we went to meet Drew at his hostel, which was really nice. We all went to meet people from SPU to go out, but ended up leaving everyone else and going to get Italian food. Of course, I spilled olive oil and vinegar on my shirt. I was so excited, to say the least. Then, we walked around, met people, left them again, and essentially just walked in the rain for an hour talking. It was fun and wet. The next day, we met Drew at his hostel and took him around Valencia, showing him all the pretty places... and the music store. Then, of course, it started raining right when we met Evan and Dan Couch. So, we went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. They were rude to us. This seems to be a trend in my life. Then, we went down to the America's Cup port and saw overpriced clothing and model sailboats. Changed my life. That night, me, JA, Drew, and Leila went to that 14 euro place and hung out for like 2.5 hours there. It was sooooooo much fun. Then, we went to Castillo, the bar down the street and I drank 3 bottles of water. Not to brag, but I'm not a lightweight. Hahaha. And then, we went home. We met the next morning to take Julie Ann to the train station. And that afternoon, I took Drew to the airport shuttle. And now I'm alone again. I mean, Evan is here. So I'm not really alone. But... I miss those two kids. That's all.

yessssssss...

2006-11-02T05:53:00.000-08:00

Apparently these troops "kept their grades up" enough to know how to make John Kerry look like even more of an idiot. Not that he needed much help. He did a good job himself.

i am going to be kidnapped... now.

2006-11-02T05:36:00.000-08:00

Yes. I am feigning a kidnapping. That way, when I get back and don't have my 5 page or 1.5 page papers that are due on Friday, my teachers won't care. Instead, they will give me A's without the paper just to applaud my incredible bravery and strength that made themselves apparent in surviving such a tragic, traumatic ordeal. Dang, this is a good idea. Why haven't I been kidnapped before now? Clearly, I am not enjoying working. But things are about to get better as Julie Ann gets here in 2 hours and 20 minutes. Holler. I have to get back to work, but I do have a quick story from this morning. I get up to take a shower. Here in my shower, the shower head is not attached to the wall. It's one of those ones that's able to be removed from the wall. However, the little wall-attacher thing has been broken and Maria doesn't care to replace it, so showers are done with shower-head-in-hand. Mildly awkward, but whatever. Today, I turn on the water and begin showering, and all of a sudden, the thing where the water comes out with all the little holes FLIES OFF! It drops to the floor and makes a loud noise and I yell really loud. So, I am sure Maria woke up. Then, I spent the next 10 minutes trying to reattach it unsuccessfully. Of course, nothing works for me. So I finish my shower by literally just using the broken shower head to pour water on me. Yay for now water pressure. Then, I haphazardly reattach the shower head thingie and leave the bathroom. I have spent the last 6 hours praying that Maria will think it is her fault when she turns the shower on. That way, I will wake up tomorrow with all 10 toes. Cause I have this feeling that if she blames me, I can kiss my big toe goodbye. So... we shall see tomorrow. Ok, back to work.

october is ending...

2006-10-29T08:51:00.000-08:00

Well, this was a pretty stressful week. It was time for midterms here in Valencia, which was an interesting experience. Luckily, I only had two written exams. I also had a presentation and a paper though, which were not fun. I did relatively well on all of it I think. Gosh... not too much crazy or funny stuff happened this past week. Well, one day I was walking home from school and walked past this big dog on a leash and he smelled my leg and I almost petted him. I didn't and when I got like 10 feet away from them, he started barking furiously and running at me. Luckily, his owner kept him still. I looked at the owner with some angry eyes. I was just thinking, "Are you seriously going to bring that beast out here where he can kill me?" But I kept walking, a little nervous. Ummmmm... Thursday night was a bust because I didn't feel well and ended up going home earlier. Note to self: Pizza para llevar is NOT a good idea anymore. So, Friday I got up, went to Starbucks, did some work, and then met Evan to walk to the aquarium to meet our school for a little trip. However, the walk was a liiiiittle longer than we expected. But, we made it and met up with the group. We saw a dolphin show. I was unaware that dolphins could like triple flip in the air. But, the whole time, I was just like, whatever, my roommate is ten times better than that. And he doesn't even have a dorsal fin. And the aquarium smelled bad. Like animal poop. And I don't know how. Don't the fish poop in the water? But whatever. After that, we went to this intercambio thing at Starbucks and I got to hang out with my intercambio, Nora, and her friends, which was fun. Then, we went and hung out along the Rio with a lot of Spaniards. Apparently, the Rio is where all the attractive Spaniards go because it was literally the first time I have seen more than 5 attractive people within close proximity of each other. I felt so at home. Haaaaaaahahaha. Oh wow. Saturday, I went to see the movie "Scoop" with Nora. The movie itself was good, but the person who dubbed over Woody Allen's voice in Spanish may have had the most annoying voice I have ever heard. It was painful. After that I met up with Chrandie and Bethany and went to dinner with a group of people at a nice (relatively speaking, clearly) Chinese restaurant. After that, we went to this bar outside and hung out. It was cold... but it was fun. Umm... I saw Gretchen, Jenna, and Emily today which was awesome. That's about all. So.. yeah.

girls poop.

2006-10-23T04:32:00.000-07:00

Well, this past week was amazing. I can honestly say for the first time that I am loving being here. A group of like 12 of us went out both Thursday and Friday nights and just had fun and hung out. It was freakin amazing. On Friday night, we went to this place where you pay 14 euros and can eat and drink all you want. It was absolutely ridiculous. I ended up drinking like one glass of wine with dinner because I ate so much that I was almost sick. So, I guess I got my 14 euros worth. Haha. We went out on Friday night to the little bar by school. It was awesome. We just danced and were ridiculous. I got pizza from the place across the street called (in Spanish) Lord of the Pizzas. I mean, really? If you are old enough to own a pizza place, should you really think it is appropriate to name it Lord of the Pizzas? Wow. Of course, I ended up dropping a pepperoni on my shirt. I had just gotten the shirt cleaned. Awesome. My madre is cleaning it, so it better be good. I have decided that I am going to love my madre. We are going to be best friends, and she can't change that. So I have taken to calling her Maria (behind her back) and smiling at her and hugging her whenever I can. Probably, she's going to come to my wedding and be Godmother to my children, even though we don't really do that in the Baptist church. But we will now. For Maria! We had a very friendly talk about how much I despise my lunch sandiwches that she gives me every day. So now I will have lettuce and/or tomato on my sandwich regularly. Thankfully. Maria loves me. But, regardless. Saturday afternoon, the school took a trip to Calpe, which is this beach town in the Community of Valencia. It is beautiful and home to this huge rock that apparently looks like the Rock of Gibraltar. That's what Maria told me. So, we climbed the rock. We thought it was going to be a light trek. Oh no. We climbed for about 3 hours and were absolutely drenched in sweat. But, we made it to the top and got some amazing pictures, which will be posted tomorrow. It was a really cool experience making it to the top with friends. I know Christy was surprised my limp legs made it. But, speaking of Christy, she taught me something this weekend that I have tried to avoid my whole life. You may not know this, so brace yourself. But... girls poop. Yes. Hard to hear, but true. Christy decided that she should hold it the entire day. So on the way back down the mountain, she literally stopped every few minutes to make sure she didn't go in her pants. I, of course, was tickled by this and decided to poke her and make fun of her as often as I could. Because I am a loving person. That night, we watched the Moors and Christians parade. I don't know why, but there were a lot more Moors. I don't understand it because the Spaniards really don't like them. Oh well. We ate dinner at a restaurant where the evil waitress tried to overcharge us. Luckily, we had some Spanish speakers with us who ended that quite quickly. After dinner, I got churros. Not to brag, but I did. Sorry. I know you're jealous. Sunday, I met with my intercambio, who is a really cool girl. We hung out and spoke Spanish for literally three hours. Incredible. And then I studied alllll day at Starbucks. It was awesome. Kinda. Oh... and today I took the most vague test I have ever seen. Who knows what I will get. And I am now a member of a gym. Yes. And I might be playing soccer tonight. Holler.

oops

2006-10-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it has been forever long since I posted. My bad. Well, let's see. The last weekend in September, I went to Munich for Oktoberfest. Seeing as I strongly dislike beer, I didn't spend very much time actually at Oktoberfest. Josh and I did a whole bunch of sightseeing. We went to Dachau, the concentration camp. So, there clearly are not going to be a whole bunch of happy-go-lucky events from that day. It was incredible, though. Umm, Evan, Josh, and I cracked each other up the entire time, which is always fun. Then, we came back and spent a week at school. Well, Monday night was amazing. We went to eat dinner, see a movie, and go to a mojito bar with one of our teachers, who is 24. And she's awesome. We saw this movie "Volver" with Penelope Cruz and I understood it all. I was so freakin proud. Well, this past week (October 5-12) Evan and I travelled to Italy for our fall break. It was the most beautiful place I have ever been. I just loved it. We started off by flying from Valencia to Florence on RyanAir. Well, let me address the airline situation first. I really felt like there should have been live chickens running up and down the aisles. The airplane felt like they taken a city bus and wrapped it in the shell of an airplane. The seats did not lay back. They were, in fact, made of plastic. We were cramped. But it was a blast. And the flight was only two hours. When we got to Italy, we realized that we were actually flying into Pisa, not Florence, so we had to take an hour-long bus ride to Florence. However, we missed the first bus so we had to wait an hour. In that hour, Cary got bitten on the chin by what we thought was a mosquito. However, judging by the fact that his chin doubled in size, I'm not so sure my guess was correct. So, he drank fome Benadryl, and we were on our merry way. We got to Florence, and peaced out from the rest of the UVA kids and headed to Gretchen's apartment. When we got there, she was mildly freaking out (which is SO unusual for Professor Presenell) because we were running late getting there. We hung out and when Jenna Wilson came in, we hid and then jumped out. I ran and gave her a hug, and we fell on the floor and... well, let's just say Jenna caused a mess. We stayed in Florence until Saturday just going out and having fun and eating lots of food. We woke up on Saturday intent on getting to Rome early. Well, as luck and poorly-researched train schedules would have it, we didn't get into Rome until 6:45 at night. Buuuut, we ended up being on the same train as Richard Roberts, which was amazing. We looked unsuccessfully for a pub that was showing the Wake-Clemson game, which, in retrospect, was probably a good thing. The next day, we woke up after our skeezy Spanish roommates left. We spent the entire day wandering the streets of Rome. We probably walked about 15 miles that day. We started the morning by seeing the Pope in St. Peter's Square, which was so awesome. We went to the Colosseum, Pantheon, Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and St. Peter's Basilica. Every sight just blew us away. The next day, we got up and went back to Florence. Emily Stocks was back at the apartment when we got there, which was really exciting. We spent Monday and Tuesday kinda hanging out, eating, going out, and just being friends. It really made me happy to get to hang out with those three girls. Wednesday afternoon, I headed to Rome to meet up with the UVA kids to fly back to Valencia. As I was buying a metro ticket, I ran into Meredith Blunda, which made me day! We hung out, got soe gelatto, and met up with my friends. We went back to our hostel to figure out how to get to the airport the next day. It turned out that we had to leave the hostel to take a 4:30 AM bus, so we didn't go to sleep. We ate a huge dinner, played stupid games like Rapid Fire and The Newlyweds, and finally got back to Valencia at around 9:30 AM. I slept the entire day. Now... I am here. In Valencia. Finally updating. New picture on Webshots and Facebook. Check em.

for now

2006-10-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ok... no blog for now. Maybe tomorrow. But... new pictures are up on Webshots and Facebook. And... my Mom learned how to use Skype. Yesssssssss.

leavin on a jet plane

2006-09-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I would update this blog with the things that have gone on in my life since I got back from Barcelona, but there isn't really all that much to say. I have been pretty boring. I just go to school and come home and do some work and eat with my madre (who I like a lot more... when I can understand her) and go to sleep. Although... hmm... let's see. I have a quiz in an hour which I am unprepared for. But I will be fine. The teacher loves me. Aaaand... I am going to Munich this weekend and I get to see Drew and Josh and a bunch of other Wake kids. Oktoberfest. Woo hoo. Seeing as I absolutely love beer, I can't wait. Who can spot the sarcasm? Well, that is really about it for Valencia right now. I'm sure I will have plenty of stories once I get back. So, don't you worry. Highlight of the week thus far: talking to my mom on the phone last night for 30 minutes... which I honestly think cost $45. Mom... I know you are reading this... figure out Skype. That is all.

barthe.

2006-09-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

So, it has clearly been a while. Nothing too exciting happened Thursday. We went to a club called La Indiana, which may have some sophisticated meaning here in Spain, but really just means The Indiana to us. Nothing to really write home about. I mean, nice club, but it really should be since normal cover charge is 15 euros. I mean, come on. So, we were there until about 4:30 in the morning. We went home because our train left at 11AM on Friday morning. It was a struggle and a half getting out of bed at 9:15. Ugh. But, we got there on time and Cary and I had a table all to ourselves on the train. We actually sat next to these two American girls, so I am sure the people on the train were annoyed by the English conversation throughout the ride. If you were wondering, the train is much better than the bus and I never want to ride a bus again. But I have to this weekend. Go figure. Well, we got to Barcelona uneventfully and walked to our hostel, which was about 20 minutes from the train station. It was nice. We had our own room and our own bathroom. We settled in and took some naps. Cary and I went to look for food and accidentally found a mall, so we looked through there for a while. When we got back to the room, we started getting ready and it may have been the funniest time I have experienced in a long, long time. We laughed so hard that I got hiccups. I don't know if those things are related, but I got them nonetheless, and I had them for 6 hours. I was seriously contemplating going to the hospital. I don't want to be one of those people who have them for years. So, we met Megan Douglas and Christina Harris for dinner, which was freakin phenomenal. They are amazing, and we ate at an awesme restaurant. That night, we walked around for hours looking for something to do, only to end up returning to the crowded plaza where we started the night. At least we got to watch this really drunk girl make an idiot out of herself for an hour. The next morning, we got up and went out to go sight-see... which we kinda did. We literally just walked around for about 8 hours, looking at whatever we came across. We saw two really cool cathedrals and a lot of stores. We met Evan and Corinne and Tyler Gately in front of this Gaudi house. I think that's how you spell it, but I'm not taking the time to look it up. They were really cool houses, but while we were there, we got some incredible news. Tyler knows the owner of David Beckham's bar in Barcelona, and he got us on the VIP list. So, we all went shopping and bought something for the night. Well, I didn't. But I went shopping with everyone. We went back, got ready, (met our new roommates from India and Belgium... wasn't a big fan) and then made an AMAZING salad. Cary and I went to the grocery store to buy everything, but it was so hard. Nothing was in English or Spanish, because they speak Catalan there, which is a language I detest with every bone in my body. Just speak Spanish. ugh. But, we made the salads and went to the bar. There were some unnamed complications throughout the night, but they will not be revealed in order to protect those involved. Let's just say... wet clothing... clogged up sink... 8 people in a 6 person hostel room. Yeah, that sounds about right. The next day, we saw the Sagrada Familia, which is an incredible cathedral, and then shopped a little. We then went home. On the train ride home, this man missed his stop and was really angry and yelling and we thought it was a terrorist. But he was American. So no worries.

for now.

2006-09-25T04:54:00.000-07:00

new blog soon. but in the meantime... new pictures are up from valencia, madrid, and barcelona.

day after day.

2006-09-20T04:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so days are just starting to blend together here. I feel like all that goes on is: wake up, go to class, sit in the library, go to more class, go home, do homework, maybe go run, maybe go to the internet cafe (and I am using that term very lightly, as I will explain later), do homework, maybe go get sangria, go to sleep. Every. Freaking. Day. Yesterday, I thought the monotony was literally going to rot my brain. I can't watch TV because it's in the living room, I don't have the internet at my house, I can't invite people over or go to their houses, and the only places to go sit and hang out are at restaurants where you either have to order food or something to drink. I swear, if I look at one more jar of sangria, I am going to take it and bash it over the head of whoever the jerk was that created the social norms in this country. Maybe I am being a little intolerant of the culture here. But my liver is intolerant of the massive amounts of alcohol that people regularly consume here. And the cigarette thing. I mean, honestly, kids. I am at the point where I feel inclined to snatch lit cigarettes from peoples mouths and put them out on their shoulder. I am incredibly tired of inhaling someone else's nastiness. I hate that the bus drivers just get off the bus to smoke for 10 minutes. You would get shot for that in the States. But apparently, we have to give people time to kill themselves slowly every day. Ugh. Some of you may have heard that internet cafes are the thing in Europe. Well, clearly, I can't speak for all of Europe, but they do not EXIST in Valencia. In fact, the closest thing is called a "locutorio" which is nothing more than a smelly room where people come and mix their body odors with their cigarette smoke for the entire place to smell and use community computers, not laptops. I haaaaaate it. I want Starbucks. With couches. And wireless. And well-bathed people. Who do not smoke. Today, my madre forgot to make me lunch. That just made me so happy. I did a little dance of joy in the kitchen knowing that I would have to pay roughly 7 or 8 dollars for mediocre fast food. Yaaaaaaay! President Bush, if you are reading this, please send Air Force One my way. That would be greatly appreciated.

madrid.

2006-09-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

I went to Madrid this weekend. Clearly. Let's start from Friday afternoon. Evan and I show up at the bus station confused and screaming American tourist. Our Croakies and North Face packs didn't help one bit. The man behind the counter told us to go to space number 22 and wait. We had a little confusion about which bus was actually ours. We walked from 22 to 1 back to 20, where we finally got on the bus. I immediately recognized that I possess an inherent distaste for traveling in close proximity with 50 people, some of whom are unbathed, who I do not know and with whom I cannot readily communicate. But, I sucked it up and took a nap. We stopped halfway at this roadside place. I got Doritos. When we got to Madrid, we met Josh at the bus stop. However, we were worried that we wouldn't be able to find him. In America, and especially in Wake Forest, you can see that Euro style anywhere. But in the capital of Spain, we were worried he would blend right into the sea of manpris and tight AX tshirts. Thankfully, we found him, Diesel scarf and all. Oh Josh. We then headed for the Metro, where we obviously caused an American scene trying to buy tickets and figure out which stop to use. Luckily, we found our way and went to our hostel. That night was uneventful. I went home early from the bars cause I had a stomach ache, which wasn't too painful since I don't particularly enjoy bars. I was awakened at 4:30 in the morning because the hostel had double-booked the beds where the girls were supposed to stay and we were forced to improvise. After me yelling at Evan a good bit and getting angry at drunk loud American girls (unnamed), I slept on the floor in my sleeping bag, vowing to myself that I would never sleep in another hostel. The next morning, we got our money back and moved... to a new hostel. You can only imagine my excitement. We toured the city a little that day, and went to an apartment where a bunch of Wake kids live that night. It was fun getting to hang out with Wake kids in the middle of Europe. After that, we went to this massive club called Kapital. Seven stories. American hip-hop. I was thoroughly happy about it. We stayed there (and I danced with Blair! yaaaaay.) until 4:30 AM. It was freakin amazing. Then, we went home. And slept. The next day... I don't really remember. Walking around. Eating. Then, at 3, we took the bus home. I hate buses and the man behind me smelled... miserably. Ugh. But, the weekend was overall pretty good. Now back to school. Which I am sick of. And, for future reference, I will just pay 20 extra euros a night and stay in a hotel. Where I have my own room. Alone. Not with crazy foreigners who aren't weirded out by walking around naked or not showering. So there.

out tonight.

2006-09-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

Let's see. Yesterday was a relatively normal day. I had to be at the school for forever because I had classes all throughout the day. I went home after school and just sat around doing a little homework and going to the locutorio, where the man behind the counter now knows me. However, I left early because the smoke was hurting my eyes. I wish people in this stupid country would stop blowing cancer my way. I went home and waited on my madre to come home. As I waited, I went to the kitchen to see what was on the stove. When I opened the various pots, I prayed that it was leftovers from a lunch I had missed. However, I learned that I would not be so lucky when my madre returned and took the nastiness to the dining room table. We had this paste stuff as the main meal. It was literally a yellow substance with a texture somewhere in between water and mashed potatoes. However, I like water and mashed potatoes. I did NOT like mystery paste. In fact, I took about two bites and just put my spoon down. Then we had these deep-fried things that were really gross. I have realized this is a hit-or-miss kinda deal with the food at my madre's. So after dinner, I changed clothes and headed over to Evan's, where me and him and Corinne caught the bus to the school, where everyone was meeting. At a bear near the schoo, we witnessed about a 10 minute verbal altercation between an old, dirty, fat, possibly homeless man, and a 20 year old kinda cute Spanish girl. We didn't understand anything, but we kept telling her to throw a chair at him. I mean, it was really entertaining... in a sick way. Don't judge us. Then, we hung out for a long time, walked around finding other bars. We went to this one bar, but it was super-full and I had to pee. So, I went in a parking lot because there was nothing else open for literally like a mile in every direction. It was awesome. Then we went to this other bar. Gross. Smoke. Bad music. Smelly people. So we left. And that's all.

seriously?

2006-09-13T02:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, so yesterday was DEFINITELY the craziest day I have had since I arrived in this country. Of course, it was all Evan's fault. We had to run errands, a task that I thought would be accomplished promptly and effeciently. Of course, that was not the case. I went to the telephone place to get more money on my phone and we figured out that the reason that the money didn't go through was that I didn't even know my phone number. I had given the wrong phone number to the lady and to everyone I met. Cool, right? Evan met me there and we went along. Well, we started off by trying to find a gym. On the way, we pass a restaurant and there is a teenage boy running through the tables really quickly. The waiter and the customers yelled at him and made him stop and as they did a big pigeon flew away. He yelled back and his friend on a bicycle holds up his hand and shows that he is grasping a different pigeon. He yells, "¡Para comer!" (For eating!) and they run away. Evan and I just kind of stared for a second while the people at the restaurant carried on as normal... clearly. Well, we found the gym, and let's just say that it's not exactly what I would choose. At all. After the gym, we decided to buy train tickets for the trip to Madrid this weekend and also the weekend we are going to Oktoberfest. We get to the station, start trying to buy tickets, and discover that the trains are full for this weekend and the train schedule does not work with out plane schedule for the other weekend. Clearly, I begin freaking out at this point. We ask the lady what we can do, so she tells us to go to the bus station. Evan thinks this is a good idea. But I look out the door and see that it is pouring rain. I don't have my rain jacket with me, due to the fact that my madre swore to me up and down that morning that it wouldn't rain. So, I whine enough to keep us in the train station for another hour seeing if there is a way we can buy the bus tickets without going outside or going to the bus station. Clearly, there wasn't. So, Evan just tells me to suck it up and we head out. I am wearing flip-flops and am incredibly grossed out that the water in the streets is touching my feet, sure that it contains feces and STD's. Evan, obviously, had no idea where we were going, so we ended up walking through Chinatown. As if being in Spain isn't culture shock enough, we suddenly found ourselves surrounded by only Asians in the middle of Spain. Awkward. We got out of Chinatown and then into a really sketchy area. As we walked past a strip club named "5 Soles" (5 Suns), an incredibly unattractive woman whistled at us from the front door. So... we made out with her. Aaaaahahaha. I kid. We looked at our shoes and kept walking. We finally found the bus stop to get taken to the bus station, and we waited in the little shelter thing while some unbathed men smoked cigarettes next to us. Needless to say, I was furious. When our bus finally arrived, this crazy woman with a huge umbrella jumped right in front of me to get on. Obviously, she didn't have her bus pass out, so she stood in the doorway to the bus, closed her umbrella, and searched for her bus pass. I literally had to stand in the rain glaring at her for a full minute while Evan laughed. Then, as she started to get on the bus, she fell. We think she was drunk. And she had bright orange hair. It was awesome. So, we crack up almost the whole way to the bus station. On the way, we begin talking to this Spanish girl who tells us she will help us get our tickets. She spent the next 30 minutes talking to the guy behind the counter, and even got us into a booked bus. Awesome. We got her number and plan on going out with her at some point. Then, Casey and Corrinne met us and drama ensued as they made everything crazy for about 30 minutes. But, we went to a bar and had some tapas and Agua de Valencia, which essentially is a mimosa. That calmed everyone down... and made us all a little giggly. So, after that was over, we decided that we all needed to go home and finish up our homework. So, we get on the bus, and true to form, Casey is speaking in incredibly loud English. As soon as she gets off the bus, Evan turns to the lady next to us and says, "Ella es un problema un publico." (She is a problem in public.) The lady just stares at him in utter disgust and then looks away. I know that look so well because I give it to people all the time. When she did that, I absolutely LOST IT. Evan turns to me and I just bust out laughing and I laugh so hard that I start doing my laugh that sounds like a donkey. Evan and I are both laughing to the point of tears, and it lasts until we get off the bus. We think that laughing loudly in that woman's face served her for serving Evan. So there. I went to the locutorio for a minute, went home, talked with my madre about American Idol, read, and went to bed. All in all... amazing day.

no fear.

2006-09-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, so let me start out by saying that I don't think I am scared of my madre anymore. And here is why: I saw her wearing normal clothes today. Usually, she is always wearing either a dress that could pass as a nightgown or a big, ill-fitting muu-muu. And today, she was wearing a pant-suit kind of thing and had her hair done and looked nice. I was just so impressed. And... with that feeling of being impressed came a lack of any fear. It was the best feeling in the world. But it was slightly counteracted by the curcumstances. I say this because I was awakened twice this morning before my alarm. The first time, the annoying buzz thing that lets people into the building went off at like 7:45. It was the daughter. And of course, she had her precious little baby in tow. Now, let me say that I actually like the child between the hours of 11AM and 11PM. Anytime before or after that, the unceasing cries coming from my madre's room make me want to pull a Van Gogh so I don't have to bear it anymore. So, of course, the baby cries for the next hour and a half, preventing me from truly getting any more sleep. But, at 9, the cleaning lady shows up. I wanted to put a freakin DO NOT DISTURB sign on my door, but she just chatted away into her little Blackberry earpiece in a rapid form of the Spanish language that I can't even BEGIN to try and understand at 9 in the morning. So, I finally just gave in and pulled myself out of bed. I walked to the shower, only to awkwardly pass the cleaning lady in my underwear. Cool. Oh, and I didn't go out last night because the lady at the freakin phone store didn't actually put the 50 Euros that I gave her onto my phone, so I have no minutes to call anyone. So, being really cool, I sat in my room reading a Spanish version of The Hobbitt, and waiting for someone to call me. But apparently by 11 PM, everyone was too drunk to call. And Evan was asleep. Now, I have to go get money on my phone, buy train tickets to Madrid, and find a gym. And then do homework. But, I am in Spain, so... yeah. Oh, and freakin iTunes Music Store isn't working right now and I think I am going to scream in the middle of the library if it doesn't show me the new freakin music for the week soon. That's all.

all i need.

2006-09-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

So, things are getting better. I actually had a semi-good conversation with my madre last night. But I also found out that she doesn't like soccer. I was like, umm, isn't that kinda mandatory for you? Not to stereotype or anything. I mean, it's just true. I have met all Spaniards. I know. Sunday was a bit of a bore. I slept all day and then hung out with Evan for a little while and then... I did homework. I was like, dang, I am such an accomplished international traveler. I am sitting in tiny little room in the middle of Valencia... reading. So, that was a sad feeling. But, I found this song that really lifte my spirits, "All I Need" by Bethany Dillon. Look it up. Good one. We are trying to find a gym here in town, but it feels like everything is a million miles away from my house. I could run to the gym, but let's be honest, that's just overkill. If I can't get there without much effort, is it really worth it? Oh irony, I call thee friend. Well, let me review some of the things that are currently angering me about this country:
1. one big ice cube when you order a drink... and only if you ask for it.
2. no AC
3. everyone smokes... gross
4. no dryers
5. no convenient DRY CLEANERS!!!
6. tap water tastes vile
7. uglier women than I imagined
I will continue this later, but also know that I am happy about lots of things. That is just boring though. Haha. More tomorrow!

la playa.

2006-09-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

So, Friday classes were miserable because they lasted for 6 hours. Yes, six. I literally thought my head was going to explode. By the end of the day, I could not understand what any of my teachers were saying. In my Film and Literature class, I fell asleep and woke up when I began to drool. Good one, huh? Friday night was amazing. We went to this bar called Radio City, where we all got a free glass of sangria. We hung out there for about an hour, then tried to go to this club. Evan led us in a massive circle for roughly 45 minutes while various DrunkFace McGees talked to me about the most ridiculous things ever. When we finally found the club, it had a cover charge of 15 euros, which is about 25 American dollars. I wanted to laugh in the bouncer's face. I was like, Sir, you MUST be kidding me. So, we left there and went to this bar next to our school. The DJ played whatever music we wanted. Let's just say that I definitely brought sexy back. No big deal. On Saturday, we went to the beach and hung out there for about 4 hours. The picture above is of me. Shout out to Lauren for letting me borrow her Chi O shirt. There will be pictures with that shirt taken throughout Europe. Haha. Well, I am not in a particularly funny mood, so I'm just gonna peace out. More tomorrow.

another day.

2006-09-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was certainly interesting. We had our first day of class. I did not eat at home because I had class. I had conversation, which looks like it is going to be really easy. After classes, Evan and I walked around and I took some pictures, which I will post soon. We walked to the center of the city, which is freakin amazing. There is a bull fighting ring and a lot of crazy old buildings. Casey and Corinne met us there, and we walked around for forever. Casey was intent on finding a bag, so we went in nearly every store in town, only to have her walk out with a look of disgust on her face. We finally went in this huge department store and she bought a Tommy Hilfiger bag. There are so many things that I want to say to that, but I won't. We went to this awesome tapas bar after that and sat outside, eating tapas and drinking sangria and agua de Valencia. After that, I went home and that is where the humor lies. My madre met someone for dinner, so she left me dinner at home. It was a fish. With scales. And bones. I was like, I'm done with this. So, I took it into the kitchen and tried to dispose of it. However, the quarter-inch of greases sitting on the plate prevented me from doing so easily. I began with trying to wrap the meal in paper towels, which promptly busted and spilled everything everywhere. Then, I took a plastic bag and tried to pour it in there, but a lot just ended up spilling on the floor and getting greasiness everywhere. A half-roll of paper towels later, I finally got everything cleaned up and started heading out to throw it away in the trash can on the street. However, just as I approached the door, I heard my madre coming in. I started walking back to my room and yelled, "Hola." I ended up sleeping with the plastic bag of nast sitting in my window. Awesome. It's the weekend. Yay.

continuation.

2006-09-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

Ok. So, the first night was mildly awkward. But, we all showed up at the school (SPU) at 10:30 on Tuesday for our orientation. It was incredibly cold and hard to hear, but we sat through a few hours of being told what to do and what not to do in Valencia and in the school. If we are inside the walls of the school, we cannot speak English, or we will be in trouble. It's pretty interesting. That afternoon, me and some other people from the program walked all over town trying to find our way around. It worked pretty well until we started following other people from the program. They failed to tell us that they were, in fact, planning on being icredibly touristy, speaking loudly in English, and taking 20 million pictures that just screamed, "I am American. Hate me!" I really just don't enjoy running around in large groups of people and just showing off the fact that we are incredibly out of place. But, we eventually got back to school for more orientation after being led at least 2 miles out of our way. And it was hot outside. But, because I have a heart of gold, I never complained once. Ok I just laughed out loud in the library here when I wrote that. Clearly, I complained. Frequently. But, so did the other people with me, so I didn't feel as bad. In fact, I didn't feel bad at all. Weird. That night, I didn't go out because having people stare condescendingly in my direction while smoking a nasty cig because we have just taken a picture of us standing in a bar 7 different times with 7 different cameras as though we do not possess access to the internet to send the pictures to everyone else is not my favorite thing in the world. The next day, we have a proficiency exam at 9:30 Am. It sucked. But whatever. Thennn... we went to the beach. It was beautiful. We drank sangrias. We were stared at by creepy men in speedos. Aaaaaand... beaches are topless. So we saw women walking around who could play hacky sack with themselves. No more explanation is needed. Use your imagination. If you don't know, ask your mom. Umm... more later. Evan is staring over my shoulder because he forgot his computer and needs to use mine to check his email every 5 minutes. And, I happen to be incredibly nice and charitable, so I am letting him. Gold stars for me.

españa

2006-09-07T02:57:00.000-07:00

Holy freakin crap. I am sitting in the school in the middle of Valencia, Spain. I feel like I have been here foreeeeeeeeeever, but it has only been about 4 days. Well, there have been some good and some bad things. My trip to New York with my dad was incredible. We stayed at this beautiful hotel and just got to hang out. We went to see a musical (Hairspray) which we both really liked. I was kinda worried though, becuase when we got on the plane to fly to NYC, my father spilled an entire glass of ice water into our seats. I didn't know if God was trying to tell me something. But, apparently not. I'm not gonna lie, when my dad dropped me off that the airport, I was fighting back some SERIOUS tears. But, I had to get over that soon cause I was meeting people and didn't want to be "that kid." There are some really cool people on the trip. I got to know that because we spent 5 hours in the airport, 8 hours on the plane, and 4 hours on the bus from Madrid to Valencia. (Dear God, if You are reading my blog today, thank You for Tylenol PM. Amen.) When we got to Valencia, all of our madres were waiting at the futbol stadium to pick us up. There were cute little madres waving and smiling, so happy to see their new children. My madre, however, was standing angrily off to the side. I walked over to her and the first thing she said to me was, "I thought you were going to be a girl." At that moment, I should have just walked away and spared both of us the trouble, but I just smiled and said, "Lo siento." We went home and she helped me get stuff in my room and then was like, "I have to go get my hair done." I was like, "Um, ok. Peace out, madre." At that point, I went and wandered around a Spanish city attempting to find Evan's house for roughly 45 minutes. Clearly, I was freaking out. I finally broke down and went into a travel agency thinking that they would speak a BIT of English. Obviously not. So, I finally waited outside what I thought was Evan's building and started asking people for help. One lady finally showed me what button to push, and I called up to his room and he let me come in. I almost laid on the floor and cried out of sheer joy to see someone I knew. We hung out with some people that night and went out to a bar called the Heineken Bar. I have realized since being here that I do not like bars. I just don't. But, I don't really have an option. Ok, I have class in 10 minutes, so I will end this post. But, after class, I will post what has happened since that first night. Awesome. I miss America. And Cookout. That is all.

coming soon.

2006-08-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

I swear, new posts will be coming soon. Let me get my life in order.

days of great trial

2006-08-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

So, Tuesday was a looooooooong day. We had Pillow Polo as our afternoon OA, which was great because it was incredibly hot outside. As is par for the course, the children had no idea what the game was or how it was to be played. Given this fact, they still had a number of really ridiculous questions. As you can see in the picture of my cousin above, we gave the kids mallets to use in the game. I completed the instructions, and even answered 6 questions. A small child in cabin 4 posed the sixth question. He raised his hand, pointed to the mallets, and asked, "So, are we supposed to use these to hit the ball?" I just had to smile and nod in order to avoid thinking about how obvious that question was. I mean, seriously? We had to end our OA early to do song practice for Council Ring. Let's just say that I wasn't extremely pleased with that whole event, but whatever. I worked free swim, which was freakin 75 minutes long. Insane. But, I got a pretty good Chaco tan, which I will continue working on today. Last night was Council Ring, which was incredibly short. But the fire was hot, which made me angry, as usual. After Council Ring, we just came back down and hung out in front of the Lake Lodge for a while. I watched some hilarious videos in the Hogan office, including one of a Chippewa at girls camp playing "Little Sally Walker" with a hot dog, until she dropped it. I also got to see lots of people fall in the lake on video. Love it. Watching people fall is one of my favorite things, and when it happens into a body of water, that is even more awesome. Then I had to watch my hill during a staff social time. Bleh. I listened to music, especially songs from Sister Act 2. No big deal. Only a few days left.

starter camp 06...

2006-08-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

So, Saturday started with me skipping breakfast to sleep. But, when it was time to tell people goodbye, I went down the hill to talk to them. Now, here is what I dislike about this time of goodbyes. You are standing there with the staff, and everyone is telling each other goodbye. So you have these emotional farewells, but then the person you just talked to goes and talks to ten other people, so you exchange these awkwardly sad and forlorn glances every time you pass each other, which ends up being about 20 times over the next 10 minutes. And, you subconsciously try not to talk to that person again, because you have already closed it out and further conversation ends up being painfully tedious. So, I endured that for a few minutes, then started figuring out what I was going to do with my day. I showered and ended up going to lunch at My Father's with about eight other people. It was a really random, but really fun group. We ordered really fast because people had to be ready to take Seth to the airport. After the meal, we went back to camp and a magnificent sight met our eyes. Philip Bebeau had arrived. God is good. We hung out for a few minutes, then I went with Erin Cooley to the Asheville Mall, which I hate. I hate being around the people in there. I hate the stores. I hate the environment. It's not me being snobby. It's my distaste for shopping combined with an awful environment in which to do it. I was hoping to spend my gift certificates that I recieved for Christmas, but found nothing. I don't know how in the world Abercrombie stays open. I hate the store and am surprised that there are enough people in the world with that perfect combination of money and stupidity to shop there. So many naked people adorn the walls that I wonder if they are really trying to sell me sex from a back room instead of poorly made, overpriced clothing. That night, a bunch of the guys went out to dinner at the Bistro when Corey got here. After that, I don't really remember what went on. I am pretty sure I just hung out in my office and went to sleep. Sunday was Opening Day for Starter Camp. Having 90 kids here who have never been to camp before is insane. It's fun though. TJ Bowden is one of our campers. His granddad is Bobby. No big deal, right? We played dodgeball games and then capture the flag and Bedlam Ball on the upper green. It was pretty dang sweet. That night, I went to McDonald's and got fries and a fountain drink. Score. Yesterday, we had the first regular day of Starter Camp, which was awesome. We went on a campout. It was the worst night of sleep I have had in a long time. There was a kid who cried until 3am. Apparently (and I promise that I don't remember this) I walked over to him at 3:15 and said, "Seriously, shut up. You are keeping everyone else up." I didn't mean to... but it worked. Luckily, no one came up to see the sunrise. I would have set it off. Only a few more days. Weird.

ridgecrest camps out!

2006-07-29T15:56:00.000-07:00

Thursday was a great way to end the (regular) summer. The Apache participated in the Tin Man, which is a race in which they have to run around the lake and stop at like six different stations and complete some sort of task. It was a lot of fun because the campers get really into it and it's pretty easy for the staff. One of our kids just TORE IT UP. He completed the race in like 10 mintues, which was a full minute ahead of anyone else. It was insane. Coincidentally, it was our Mexican camper and one of the staffers started to make a remark linking his ethnicity with his success in the race, but I stopped him politely. Lord knows if he had kept going, I would have stopped him in a much more voilent way. That night we cleaned really hard during our hill clean-up time, because we shut down our cabins on closing day. Tribal fire was that night, and the Little Chiefs made a huge fire, as usual. What is the word I'm looking for... overcompensation? I don't remember. Oh well. After our children delivered a number of incredibly insightful talks, including listing their favorite skills, I headed over to Arapaho tribal fire and talked to those kids. I really enjoyed the Arap tribe this two weeks. After that, I went back to the Lake Lodge and hung out. Little did I know it, but Karen Neal would soon reveal her terrifyingly violent side. She and Kelly got into it... again. And, in front of Ron, Karen punched Kelly in the face with a closed fist. She wasn't playing around, clearly. I was crying laughing, but from some reason, Ron didn't think it was funny. He reminded them that injuries of that sort are not covered under Worker's Comp. Who knew? The next day was the final closing day of the regular summer. Our song was the best at Closing Ceremony because our toothless, completely insane child Jonathan, screamed it at the top of his lungs and made the entire gym laugh hysterically. This was an improvement for him. Earlier in the day, he was so sad that his horseback skill was over that he pretended like he was a horse, getting on all fours, neighing, and eating grass, all the while refusing to stand up. God love him. We had an incredible banquet last night. The girls decorated in a camping theme. Appropriate, huh? The gift was amazing, and I got my 10-year award. Woohoo. After banquet, we had what I can only describe as a Spirit-filled worship service at girls camp. It was just a perfect way to end the summer. After that, we took a late night trip to Denny's. The incredibly sketchy male waiter and his ambiguously homosexual fellow waiter were not pleased to seat a group of 35 at 1 AM. However, my food was fine despite the fact that the sketchiness of our service made me lose a little of my appetite. Random note. For some reason, Tucker was unable to say the last name "Watkins" for about an hour last night. I have no clue why. After Denny's, we went to Royal Gorge and just looked out, talked, and danced a little until 3. It was amazing. I just loved the staffs this summer. We gelled really well. But, most of them are gone now, so it's time to move on. Starter Camp starts tomorrow. Woohoo.

crazy days.

2006-07-27T07:03:00.000-07:00

Man, camp is winding down. It's more than a little unbelieveable. I can feel it though. My body is starting to get tired. But, after this week, Starter Camp is taking place, which is where we host a one-week camp for new, young campers. I am excited because my staff is frickin amazing for Starter Camp. So, Tuesday was our last alone night in camp. The kids love it because they feel like they are in charge of camp. We took them out to the waterfront and had free swim for about an hour, then cooked them dinner. We had canteen and then Counselor Hunt, which was much better this time around. Last time, our kids could not find any counselors. It was really sad. They just walked around for like an hour. This time, three counselors were found in the first ten minutes. It slowed down from there, but it was much more successful. The game was over at 8, and I sent the kids to bed, which made their counselors really happy. They got like 10 hours of sleep that night. That night, I hung out in the A/V Cage and watched "Arrested Development," which may be one of my new favorite shows. Then I went downstairs and watched "Mean Girls" with the central staff, wishing that Lindsay Lohan had never discovered the mix of eating disorders and cocaine that resulted in the pasty, emaciated skeleton we see now. Someone feed Lindsay. Or at least send her back to the tanning bed. Wednesday was an easy day. We had OAP games in the afternoon, which meant I didn't have to be in charge, which is a nice change of pace. I walked into dinner and saw sandwiches on the table and immediately knew that I would have to go somewhere else. Karen Neal and I went to No. 1 China down the road. We placed our order at 6:35 PM. At 6:55 PM, we were still waiting for our food. I turned to Karen and asked her to go up to the counter to ask about our food because I knew that if the man behind the counter told me that it wasn't ready, I would jump over the counter, punch him in the throat, and then fix it myself. However, there was no need for actions of that sort because he had our food. The sweet tea was miserable. It tasted like someone added sugar to lemon juice. Two thumbs down. I guess I can't complain too much, though. Sweet tea really isn't a staple over in Red China. The campwide OA for the night was Bedlam Ball, which meant I got to stand around and kick balls back into the circle for an hour. Usually, we accidentally hit children with balls. Last night, however, Lauren Hogan kicked a ball at full speed and struck me directly across the face. I thought Jesus was going to have to come intercede to keep me from exploding in a ball of fire. However, Lauren fell to her knees and asked for forgiveness. Actually, she was rolling on the ground laughing, but I accepted the apology that I knew she wanted to give. The picture above is my response. That night, there was a party for the SALT guys, but I didn't go. There were a number of factors that kept me from really enjoying the experience. However, good news is here, my friends. Mr. Philip Erwin Bebeau is coming back to work Starter Camp. Mmhmm... Saltines return!

it's the freakin weekend

2006-07-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

So, Friday was relatively uneventful, as many days have been. We played "Chair Games" in the gym and then had a scavenger hunt for the evening. We found out that one of our children is a gymnast and can do back handsprings and stuff, but, let's be honest, he's no Sweet Drew. That night, Brandon Fields and the Shelburnes all got in town, which was freakin awesome. I had Scavenger Hunt, and the cabins went and found things. Such is the nature of a scavenger hunt. That night, we hung out around camp. We had to be up early on Saturday, so we went to sleep early. I woke up at 4:45 AM on Saturday morning for Central Staff Breakfast. I was worried that I would be absolutely exhausted, but it ended up being fine. We were all really excited to be there and it was a blast. My job was making pancake mix, which I would say I did very well. They were cinnamon sugar pancakes, and they were real good. During the breakfast, we do a bunch of crazy stuff. We start by going into cabins at like 6:45 and turning on the lights in the cabin, screaming "WACKY ZANY" and shooting the kids and the counselors with water guns. The looks on their faces are priceless. Then, during the meal, we use water balloon launchers to shoot cartons of milk over the kids' heads. The cartons always hit the rafters and explode, pouring milk on the tables below. It's hilarious. One of my counselors wore a rain jacket to keep himself from getting doused in milk. Then, we bring out the Grit Train, which is a cart we push around the dining hall, feeding the children cheese grits. Then, each tribe volunteers one kid who takes part in the Grit Challenge, where they are given a bowl of grits and whoever eats it first wins. Unfortunately, my child decided to vomit in his bowl, not tell anyone, and keep eating. I know. It grossed me out too. But give it a few days, then it will be really funny. I promise. After breakfast, we had Superman Sock War, which was funny because Jason Browning wore a pair of red underwear with a "sculpted pouch" which elicited a number of unabashed stares from other people. Awkward. The rest of Saturday was pretty uneventful. We had skills in the afternoon and Diamond Smuggling at night. Saturday night was Midnight Skating, which was amazing. My brother wore a pair of bright green overalls and nothing else. My sister wore a shirt that helped spell "Go Drama Club." Because they are ridiculously awesome. The night was fun, except some rookie and stupid girls camp staffers told the skating rink to play only 80's music. My sister and I helped change that. Sunday... worship, Nibble Nook, Council Ring. Nothing huge there. Sunday night was Tapouts at girls camp. My sister got tapped out for Belle. Chace and I went to watch. Caitlen was so happy for us to be there. We said a few words to the group as a whole, then sat with Caitlen and prayed over her. It was so awesome. And then, as we were leaving, Chace gave her his Little Chief feather and hugged her. It was so cool to watch. I went back to watch Caitlen start her fire. I was floored because they tell the girls to pray over every piece of wood, and Caitlen literally lifted every piece of wood, big or small, up over her head and prayed over it. As her fire lit, she fell back and prayed. It was so amazing watching her. The next day, Chace and I went over to girls camp for the lifting of the Silence Ban. My sister made it! It was so freakin awesome! She was so happy, and I have to admit that it made me so proud. The rest of the day went pretty quickly. My kids went on a campout, and Bobby and I jogged halfway to the campsite to visit them. Clearly, we walked the other half of the way. We brought them marshmallows and then came back to camp. I hadn't eaten all day, so I asked Lauren Hogan to take me to get food. Oh, and I needed her to buy me said food because I left my wallet in Erika's car which, by that point, was in Virginia. Awesome. The jury is still out on when that will get to me. So, we asked Karen Neal to go with us, but she had other, less important obligations, so we made fun of her. But then we ran from her and left her, which resulted in a number of very angry voicemails and Lauren and I watching our back because we feared her stabbing us. No joke. But, we made up and went to Canteen after I got back with my Subway meal. Umm, that is all. Sorry it's so long and took so long to post. But really, deal with it.

messy games... again.

2006-07-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

So... the girls came over and we had messy games... again. This was the third time this summer that we have had to endure messy games. And this time, they honestly crossed the line in the messiness they brought over. Usually, I looooooooove being covered in gross stuff. Wait. That was a lie. But, they brought Ranch dressing and relish. Can I even begin to explain the revulsion that coursed through my body? No, in fact. I cannot. But let it suffice to say that vomit kept attempting to come out of me. But I said, "No, vomit. Stay down." And it did. The ranch curdled in the intense sunlight. I mean, honestly. Disgusting. We tried to do this game where we styled staffers' hair with Cool Whip and then throw Cheetos and see how many can stick, but the Cool Whip melted almost immediately. I mean, seriously. We had an egg toss, and there were two girls from Mexico who speak very limited English, so I went over and tried to explain the rules to them. Apparently, my Spanish isn't quite good enough to explain simple rules for tossing eggs. Go figure. So, I called over one of my campers named Carlos who is from Mexico. He then attempted to explain the rules, but he ended up saying, "Tienen que throw this al pelo de los counselors." Essentially, his Spanglish was ineffective. So, we just left the girls to learn from experience. Welcome to America, I guess. Then, that night was Guerilla Warfare. We threw water balloons. The end. Thursday was my day off. I bought a Bible. It was expensive. It made me angry because, clearly, Jesus would not gouge people for money. Bible-selling jerks. The day was relatively uneventful, otherwise. I got my rooming assignment for Spain. I am living with an old widow without children, which is literally the exact opposite of what I requested. Awesome. Yay for geriatric housing in foreign nations! Adios.

i lift mine eyes up.

2006-07-19T06:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was another relatively uneventful day at camp. We did normal things all day, and then, after lunch, packed packs and stuff to go on a campout. I have a kid in my tribe who is severely asthmatic and can't spent the night away from his nebulizer and electricity, so I drove him up to the campsite and drove him back. We went to camp at Royal Gorge, which is a really pretty campsite that is also accessible by road. I pulled up and the kids were collecting wood for the fire, which was an encouraging sight. After we let them stop, some kids decided that the best way to entertain themselves would be playing in the soot from previous fires. For some children, this was acceptable and they participated in the soot in moderation. One child, however, decided to forego any seblance of common sense in regard to playing in soot. He leaned down and covered himself from head to toe. Being completely honest, if I didn't know who he was, I would think that he was an African-American. In fact, one of my staffers made a comment about that, but I won't validate it by repeating it. Let it suffice to say that he was a convincing black man. We made packet meals for the campout, which are phenomenal. (Sidenote about packet meals... Unfortunately, I forgot that we were making them until halfway through rest period. Oops... my bad.) The kids love them. This time, the meat was pre-cooked, so all we had to do was heat it up. That made them even better. Of course, there was a child who complained the entire time we asked him to eat. In fact, he told us that he was going to throw up, so he went over to the bushes with a counselor and "gagged" for about 10 minutes. Clearly, he was attempting to make himself sick. He eventually gave up and went and played. My asthmatic camper started feeling bad around 7:15, so I took him back to camp and got him his breathing treatment. He showered and we hung out around camp for a while. I hung out in the Video Cave with the Hogans and finally went to Shawnee Film Festival at 9:30. The movies were hilarious. Then, I freakin went to sleep. I was so dang tired. So... Wednesday. Here we go.

trippin

2006-07-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well, we have officially begun the last 2-week session here at camp this summer. Opening Day went pretty well. Nothing major happened. I sat at the skills table and checked in campers all day. This session is smaller than the others, so there weren't very many kids without their skills already in the computer, thankfully. The parents were nice overall, and my cousin Shelton came, which was great. We had the Amazing Race, which was amazingly boring as usual. It was exciting to see old campers that have grown up. That night, the Tribal Leaders ran Canteen, which was hilarious. We put our shirts over our faces and I had three different campers approach me to tell me that I look like a terrorist. I leaned over to them and whispered that if they said it one more time, I would blow their cabin up. I didn't really say that to them, but I should have. Don't make me go Middle Eastern. It's in my blood. Pillow Polo was that night, and Cabin 3 won, breaking Cabin 2's summer-long win streak. It was a game for the ages. We put them to bed and I got to sit in front of the Lake Lodge with Shannon and Lauren, hearing them tell stories. Then, we went to get a fountain drink. Awesome. I woke up Monday morning feeling exhausted, but excited because Monday is trip day. The weather was perfect for a trip out to Sliding Rock. With our incredible bus driver Becky, we took to the road and got to Sliding Rock around 4. It was hot outside, which apparently meant that all of Western North Carolina decided to slide down a rock on that particular day. I mean, it was RIDICULOUS. There were so many people there. Oh, the kind of people that frequent Sliding Rock on a weekday. It was a veritable freak show at some points. Now, I had no problem with the people themselves. My issue was with they way in which they slid down the rock. To me, and call me crazy if you must, it seems that, when there are 100 people in line to slide, you don't take your precious time. You line up and go down one after the other. Well, the people yesterday went down the rock like they owned the freakin place. And, because it is governmentally owned and operated, they technically do, but whatever. These people took at least a minute in between each person. People actually cheered for us when we sent our kids down in a timely manner. It was hilarious. I considered sending one of my staff members to the top of the rock and letting him tell people how to go down. But, I didn't. We started heading out around 5:30. As we were getting our stuff together at the top of the hill, up walks Karen, Lauren, Jared, and Holz. They were like, umm... you're leaving? So, in the interest of getting pictures, they went with us to eat at Lil' Siena. The food was just amazing. I mean, thank you Jesus for my tastebuds. We went back to camp after that... and slept. Amen.

so long, 2a

2006-07-16T19:08:00.000-07:00

So, I know it's been a while. Let's see... starting with Wednesday. Nothing big. OAP day. We played a bunch of tag games. That night was Gold Rush. Honestly, what is better than watching children chase full-speed after a moving truck in hopes that they will catch a piece of gold-painted rock? Well, clearly, there are lots of things better than that. But it's still cool. After Gold Rush, we sent the kids to Spilman to watch a movie while the staff went and hung out at Boscobel. I was only there for a little while because I needed to rest and prepare myself for Mystery Late Night Dinner, which took place that night. We went into the cabin at roughly 11:25PM in hopes of waking children up and making them cry or at least complain a lot. However, this group of children was overly excited and couldn't wait to get there. That may have something to do with the fact that these children took enough medicine to supply a small third-world country with all its attention-deficit-fixing needs. Guatemala, call me. We went to Huddle House which smelled characteristically of cigarette smoke and sketchy people. And yes, sketchy people have a smell. I just may be the only one who can smell it. As is usual for SALT guys, one of the guys did something embarassing. Last time, Pat Patterson spilled an entire Coke cup on the table and yelled really loud. This time, Doug Schwarz flicked a paper football into the booth in front of us. A child then turned around, reached over, and asked for the football back. Doug then said, "She wouldn't have noticed if you didn't ask for it." Unfortunately, she was a he. Party foul. Then, one of my children made up members of his family while insisting that they existed, including a brother who steals cars and is in jail in Australia. Lies. One of my children ordered only a tossed salad. There it is. From there, we went back to camp, where we got little sleep. I woke up the next day and not the tiniest bone in my body wanted to get out of that bed. But, I did. That afternoon, the SALT guys were scheduled to run the OA, which was Tin Man. A ridiculously large thunderstorm put an end to that and we played Chair Tic-Tac-Toe. Thank you Dv8. Then, my cousin Helen came to visit and I showed her around camp and took her to see my family over at the girls camp. It was awesome. That night, Lauren Hogan and I attempted to go find a Bojangle's. Unfortunately for us, the closest one was closed. We drove around to the drive-thru window, where there was a large black man sitting in the window, back towards us, smoking a cigarette. He looked at us and looked away. Obviously, we sat there until he came outside and talked to us. We inquired as to what the hours of operation were for that restaurant, and he responded eloquently by saying, "6AM to 9Pm or some sh-t." I was a little astonished that that man thought it was appropriate to curse like that, but whatever. We drove away and I called 411 and asked for the nearest Bojangles in Asheville. The man on the line said "I don't have a listing for a Bo Jangles." I laughed and explained to the Yankee on the line that Bojangles is, in fact, a restaurant and not a person. As though I would interact with someone named Bo Jangles. So, we finally found one. We pulled in at 9:53, knowing that the restaurant closed at 10. We ordered and the man behind the window said, "Sorry, credit card machine is down." I politely asked where the nearest ATM was, and he informed me that he would be closed by the time I returned. I was not about to give up, so Lauren and I stared at him for a solid minute. He finally said, "I can try and run the card," which is code for "I am lazy and don't feel like doing my job." Clearly, he had already run the report for the machine for the night. Well, amazingly, my card went through. Unfortunately, the food SUCKED. It was cold and lumpy. I don't like cold or lumpy, but put them together and they make me even more unhappy. But, I was thankful for a biscuit and a nice fountain drink. Friday... closing. Nothing much happened. We sent Brant and Gage home, which obviously made me cry. It was so sad. But, I was ready to just hang for Session Break. I got a sweeeeeeeeet package from Lil Mer and then the Olsons came up to visit. I got to hang out with Elisabeth that night at Montreat and then had dinner at the Hendersons. I hung out all day on Saturday with everyone, attended the groundbreaking for the chapel, and went to a nice buffet for dinner. Staff worship was amazing, and it was sad to realize it was our last one. Session 2B has begun. Post. Script. Please, please, please pray for peace in Lebanon and Israel.

silence, mis amigos.

2006-07-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

Let me start with Monday. We went camping. Clearly, camping in the woods with 30 children is not heaven for me, but we did it. We went down to Joshua's Hollow, which is a relatively short hike from camp. My kids completed the hike really quickly and without much complaining, which was incredibly surprising. Usually, they are not exactly happy and free from complaint, so it was a nice break from real life. The campout was relatively uneventful. The kids (for the most part) paid attention and didn't do anything too bad. We cooked hot dogs, and a very limited number of children dropped theirs in the fire. It was great. The only problem arose when, at about 8 PM, I look back on the trail about 20 yards from the campsite and see a child standing there completely naked, holding his clothes in his hand. I go get his counselor and send him to talk to the child. Apparently, he crapped himself because he didn't want to use the woods. Now, call me crazy, but I would MUCH RATHER hold on to a tree and poop than do it in my pants and be covered by it. But, maybe that's just me. It was funny (in a sad way) because another counselor went up to him first and asked him what happened, and the kid was like, "Well... I... umm... well... Didn't you do it when you were little?" Oh... children. We put the kids to bed at like 9:30. We planned on waking up at 7:45, but at 7, I hear a child in his sleeping bag talking. However, unlike the 10 other children talking, he wasn't talking to anyone in particular or even speaking in his normal voice. Oh no. He was saying the word "Pikachu" over and over in an incredibly annoying high-pitched voice. I told him to stop twice, but he kept doing it. So, I sat straight up and said, "Tommy, if you have the slightest idea what is good for you, you will stop sayin that. It is too early for that." Apparently, he had the slightest idea, cause he stopped that mess immediately. We packed up and headed back to camp. I spent most of the day preparing for our afternoon OA, which was Chinese Expedition again. I went to Eckerd and Ingles to purchase supplies. When I got back, there had been a fight between some of our kids so I had to call a mom and tell her that her son was going to be sent home if stabbed with a stick or bit a child one more time. It was awesome. The kids were lucky enough to get an almost two hour rest period. We got them out to the circle, took them to Canteen, and I got kidnapped. Everything went the same as last time, but I jumped in the water this time to hit them dead on with water balloons, as you can see above. The food was, as usual, miserable, so the staff ordered from a Chinese restaurant. It was great, although it reminded me so much of ordering from China One like every week in the 106. Sadness. Then, we played Sheep and Wolves, which is essentially Sharks and Minnows on land. I whisper in the children's ears which role they are. Unfortunately, they don't listen to me, so they were perpetually confused. I put them to bed around 8:45, which was amazing. I then went straight up to the Video Cage, where I hung out and laughed with Jared, Lauren, Tucker, and Karen until 12:15. Oh, camp. It was amaysing.

weekends.

2006-07-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend was pretty much stinkin awesome. Saturday was a great day, as usual. Sock War was themed Mission Imsockable III. After Sock War, we had lunch and rest period, blah blah blah. Skills were in the afternoon, but then time for Carnival came. It was funny and a little awkward when the people showed up to set up the inflatable games, because one of the campers walked by them and goes, "What up, carnies?" Like I said, awkward, but hilarious. All the girls showed up and I got in the dunking booth, which was almost unbearable. I mean, the water was frigid. I was terrified of going in every time. Fortunately, the children who waited in line were terrible at throwing a baseball, and I only went in like 6 or 7 times. However, that was enough to require a really hot shower before I came back down for Carnival. It was fun hanging out at Carnival because I got to hang out with my sister, which was awesome in two ways. First, there is the obvious benefit of getting to spend time with her. However, I have to admit that there was also an ulterior motive. She was spending copious amounts of time with hormonal boys. By hanging out with her, I prevented her from furthering those relationships. She did, however, ask me to take her picture with one of the boys. I took the picture, but the kid wouldn't smile. After like two tries, I was just like, "Dude, do you possess the ability to smile?" He tried... but it still didn't really work. I was a little disappointed. I walked around, tellin my children to get Ron dollars, which they did pretty dang well. Cabin 3 won Mystery Late Night Dinner, so I eagerly anticipate the stories that will come out of that trip. We put the kids to bed, and then we had a party on the dock for the staff. It was themed TV Land and everyone dressed up as a different TV character. I was the White Ranger from Power Rangers... obviously. There were some amazing costumes, including the four girls who dressed up as the Golden Girls. It was... interesting. They were the hottest women ever. Is that weird? I mean, not that I wanted to make out with them or anything, ok? That's not what I was saying... umm... Ok, moving on. The party was great. Chicken wings, bug juice, crazily dressed staff members. What more could you ask for? Not much, clearly. I went to sleep after that, which was great because we sleep in on Sundays. I woke up a little early, showered, and then did the breakfast, meeting, church thing. It was cool. Staff meeting was uneventful, but then we encountered the meal to rival all meals at Camp Ridgecrest. Roast beef, biscuits, mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet tea, and pie. I mean, how much more southern could it get? I was in heaven the entire time. Then, we had the most efficient staff meeting ever, and had a little rest period. I sat out in front of the Lake Lodge with Noah, the nurse's son and watched some Conference Center staffers blob. They decided that they were above the rules, so they did not wear life jackets or go off the correct side of the blob. I was sitting with Ron, and he didn't like it very much. Then, a girl and her friend came to blob with the others, and she thought it was appropriate to park her car in the middle of the road. Clearly, this became a problem quickly. So, we announced in the most passive-aggressive way possible that the owner of the white Saturn needed to come move her car from the middle of the road immediately. She did, and it was funny. While we were outside, we told Noah that he couldn't come to Nibble Nook with us because he had blond hair. We told him that a new rule was in place stating that blond children weren't allowed inside. We tried to prove it by dividing every tribe that came down into blond and non-blond children. He didn't think it was all that funny, though. But that was ok, because we sure did. My kids were a little confused though. We got them all lined up and walked on over to Nibble Nook, where they gorged themselves on ice cream and anything else they could manage to buy. They go freakin crazy in that place. They literally buy so much disgusting food! If they at like that more than once or twice a summer, they would die of heart disease at 20. I just buy myself a little fountain drink and watch the show unfold. Fountain drinks are my one little slice of normalcy here. I don't know why, but they have become my favorite treat this summer. When everyone else gets ice cream and desserts, I treat myself to a little Coke from the fountain. It's very nice. Last night, we had Council Ring. I had the worst song I have had all summer, which was due in part to the fact that my kids are overwhelmingly ADD, but also because it just wasn't written all that well. I almost didn't get to sing it because I sassed our camp director pretty badly. It was funny, but I may have crossed the line. We went to Denny's after Council Ring, and dealt with the angry mo for a manager that they have there. He was poorly dressed and angry at life. Oh well. The food was good.

it's been far too long.

2006-07-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I know that I haven't exactly posted in a while. Needless to say, this has been a very busy little session up here. Let's see... Wednesday. We met up with the girls again for Messy Games. There was the usual look of terror when I told the boys that they would be pairing off with girls. However, I told them that their job for the day was to get the girls as disgusting and dirty as possible. Of course, they erupted in cheers and ran to pair off with the girls, all the while sporting mischevious grins. It took a little convincing to convey the fact that the egg toss really was about NOT breaking the eggs. The boys were preparing to throw the eggs AT the girls as hard as they could. Luckily, that did not transpire. The messiness of the games was increased this time around by the addition of strawberry syrup and shortening to the mix. It was decidedly vomit-inducing. And, after careful consideration, we decided to bring back Steal the Watermelon. This time around, the kids were much more into the game, with much fighting and running going on. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We did a picnic with the girls on the Middle Green again, which was a good time. But, my group this two weeks is incredibly ADD and wild. They are fun as anything, but they are a freakin handful. So I watched them chase each other and other living things throughout dinner. That night was Newspaper Party, which is one of my least favorite OAs ever. The game essentially consists of the gym being divided into four different sections, one for each tribe. Then, each tribe gets a huge pule of newspapers and play like 6 or 7 different games with them. My children are tiny. They are the smallest kids in camp, and Apache is the smalles tribe in camp numbers-wise. Obviously, we ended in 4th place, which I just get soooooo frustrated about. And people just get all up in my kids' faces about playing the game. Like, the oldest in-camp tribe just intimidates them and yells. I just want to kick those children in the face and tell them to just let my kids enjoy their time. Oh well. That night, it rained and a bunch of Central Staffers were hanging out in the receptionist's office. Things went somewhat crazy when Karen randomly took Kelly's shoe, threw it into the rain, and then punched her in the face and arm. For some reason, the fist fight was accompanied by laughter on the parts of both the women involved. I can't really begin to explain what happened. But, it was awesome. Karen admitted she was scared of Kelly, but then said, "Bears are more scared of you than you are of them, but they will still rip your face off." Clearly, I will never knowingly anger Karen Neal. Then, Thursday was my day off. We went to Goodwill, where Shannon found me a Vineyard Vines bowtie for $1. No, I did not mistype that. The bowtie cost one dollar. It was amazing. I also got a sweeeet Wake hat made at Lids. The rest of the day, I went to eat at Chilis, went to WalMart, and came back to camp. Then, I took a salad to Merrimac and ate dinner with Elisabeth, and met my best friends Katy Robb and Dave Roddy. It was incredible. I came back to camp for Campfire, and then stayed up late hanging out. Friday was relatively non-eventful. We had Mass Soccer in the afternoon, which was fun. The kids actually played and just enjoyed themselves. After it was over, I jumped in my car and met Elisabeth and her family for dinner at My Father's Pizza. I am mildly obsessed with the Holby's. They are just awesome. We were eating dinner, and I looked down at my watch and realized that I had seven minutes to get back to camp for Retreat. I was like, "Umm, gotta go. Thanks." And then I just like ran out of there. Luckily, I got back on time. We had a mediocre dinner, which I didn't have time to eat, even if I had wanted to, because one of my children was so homesick that he had been crying for three hours. I tried to console him, but to no avail. What's going on with him is still uncertain. We shall see. Then, we had Water Barrier for our evening OA. We call it Water Barrier because the kids have too much fun when we call it the Dam Building Contest. Oh, children and their dirty mouths. Sinners.

P.S. The picture is one I took of the dog named Daisy our nurse's husband brought up for a few days. She was too dang cute.

saltines...

2006-07-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

I just need to say that I wish I was as awesome as the Saltines that I miss. Philip Bebeau is such a freakin stud. I miss all those guys. Shirley, Patrick, Legeai. They are awesome. I just felt like those guys needed another shoutout. Ooh yes.

just walk away.

2006-07-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

Oh, Kelly Clarkson. I mean, I don't know exactly what to say other than the fact that she is pretty much awesome. We were 12th row for the concert last night. And let me tell you one thing. That girl can siiiiiiiiiing. The set list was amazing, first of all. She did a bunch of songs off of "Breakaway," a few from "Thankful," but did a bunch of songs from her new CD. They were pretty dang sweet. And then she decided she would be awesome and did a Ray LaMontagne song called "Shelter" and a Marc Broussard song called "Home." And on home, the four of us at the concert had to pick our jaws off of the floor. She tore it up! It was incredible. Now, let me just comment on some of the people that attended this show. First of all, there were the large groups of girls in their early- to mid-twenties. It was really awkward because we were walking into the concert and a bunch of them were in the parking lot tailgating. I was wondering if i had missed the memo where we were supposed to dress like sluts and get smashed before going to see KELLY CLARKSON in concert. I even walked past one "lady" who was wearing a bikini top and skanky short skirt. I just laughed at her, because she thought that it was appropraite to leave her house like that. Nasty, put some clothes on. Then, there were the 12 year old girls. Three of them sat behind us and had apparently been practicing their best screams because they hurt my ears. I wanted to hurt them. In front of us, this mother and father and unidentified other woman brought two young girls to the concert. Watching the father dance was my favorite thing in the world because he had absolutely no rhythm. I laughed because I felt bad for his wife. There were also a number of incredibly creepy men who looked like their mugshots belonged on the registered sex offender website instead of at a concert with young girls. I was incredibly sketched out. I didn't laugh at them because they made me a little nauseous. Then, finally, the funniest group there... the flaming homosexuals. I mean, there was absolutely no doubt in your mind about who was gay. They were wearing Kelly tshirts that would be too small for a 7 year old girl. They had enough gel in their hair to appease a troupe of Elvis impersonators. And they jumed and screamed and sang and threw their hands in the air more than the young girls. I went into the bathroom and three guys came in and in the most effiminate voice I have ever heard, one of them said, "Eww, this toilet is so yucky." I was just thinking what the reaction would be if they encountered the bathrooms here at camp. Not even the newest Cher CD would be able to save them from their terror. Let's just say that Caleb and I were glad to be in the company of two women. We didn't have to worry. On the way home, we got to stop at COOOOOOOOKOUT!!! It was one of the happiest moments I have had in a long time. However, let me just say that the Cookouts outside of Winston-Salem pale in comparison. The manager was incredibly rude. I asked for 4 HUGE waters, and got 4 small cups of ice. And then when we asked for a cup of water, he rolled his eyes. He better be glad my window didn't work cause I would have jumped through both those windows and punched him in that angry little face. He doesn't know me. I will beat someone. Don't try me, Cookout Window Man. Don't try me.

take me out...

2006-07-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday we took our children on a trip. We went to a putt-putt place in Black Mountain called Shadowbrook. There are two different courses. I usually consider myself to be relatively good at putt-putt, but yesterday, that course bent me over its knee and spanked me mercilessly. I just failed... over and over and over. I think I can blame my poor performance on the heat, however. I was hot as a pistol out there. Shannon and I played in front so we could be ready for the kids at the end, and we busted through that course like the Devil was after us. We played incredibly quickly, which is another apparent reason for my score. So, in other words, the score was not really indicative of my talent. After the game, the kids got to play arcade games for a little while, which was a great way to waste time and money. Then we took them to Fuddrucker's, which was fun except for my interaction with the manager. I talked to the manager on Sunday, making sure our prices were what I had asked for. When I arrive, he tells me that all the staff meals are going to be 25 cents more expensive than what I was quoted... 24 HOURS EARLIER. I got so upset with him, but dealt with it in a really scary passive-aggressive manner. I think he was intimidated by me... maybe. But, we didn't have another choice, so we ate there. Thennnn we took the kids to an Asheville Tourists Minor League baseball game. There were some problems with the tickets, but it was revealed that the problem was my fault because I lost my ability to add simple numbers for 15 minutes. But the problem was solved and we headed inside. It was awesome because the kids got so into it. They were yelling and having fun. That is, until the 5th inning. At that point, they started looking like an advertisement for Ritalin. I mean, they were staring at the sky, bouncing in their seats, punching each other, picking their noses, crying, singing, and all around showing every symptom of extreme boredness. So, we got on out of that piece. As we were walking out, Judgmental Shay came out and I began wishing that everyone in the real world was like the people I go to school with in terms of dressing well and not being loud and gross and smelling like copious amounts of cigarette smoke. I feel bad... but I still feel that way a little bit. So hate me if you want. Sorry.

don't talk to me if yo breath stank.

2006-07-02T18:07:00.001-07:00

Oh man... I sit here, writing this blog, thinking about how much I freakin miss Andrew Shirley and Patrick Patterson. I would like to just say that the two men pictured above may be two of the coolest guys I have ever encountered. And I would do about anything for them to stay at camp for the rest of the summer. So... there is my shoutout to those studs. I can't wait to hang out with them in the Spring. Oh snap. Buuut... ok, so the last time I posted was Thursday, which means I have to talk about that day. It was a rough day in terms of having the worst OA I have ever been a part of. But whatever. That has come and gone. I would much rather talk about the incredibly inept Coke truck driver who got himself stuck at camp for TWO HOURS! He ran his truck into one of our power poles and almost knocked it down, and then was stuck. We had to call a tow truck, which pulled him out after a while. And then, this master of the road got his truck stuck AGAIN. I feel as though everyone is aware of the way I feel about people who can't do their jobs. My eyes contained so much disdain for this man that I am surprised his truck didn't get itself unstuck just so I would stop looking at it. Seriously, we get Coke dropped off at camp like every week and nothing like this ever happens. I mean, honestly... this man's JOB... what he DOES FOR A LIVING... is to drive a truck. And he got it stuck... twice. I mean, are you freakin KIDDING me? It was just painful to watch. I mean, I feel a little bad for him, because I know he was really embarassed. But, whatever. It made me angry... and laugh. Also, David Weaver came to visit camp later that afternoon which was amazing because everychild just looked at him like he was an alien. We don't have very many black people here, let alone those who are 6'10". So that made me laugh. Then like 30 kids asked him for an autograph. I was crackin up. That night was tribal fires, and it did nothing but made me sad because the SALT guys were leaving. After Taps that night, we had a surprise Luau for the SALT guys in Roger's Retreat. It was amazing because the entire staff was there eating BBQ, watermelon, drinking soda, and dancing to (edited) rap music. At one point, someone played "Since U Been Gone" and the entire staff of 60 males was jumping up and down singing every word. Priceless. That night was phenomenal. (Sidenote: Speaking of Kelly Clarkson, a friend of a friend gave 4 of us FREE tickets in the first 20 rows to go see Kelly in Charlotte on July 4. You have no idea how excited I am.) The next day was Closing Day... and let me just tell you that it made me incredibly happy to know that I was going to have some time off. Me and 4 other people went home to Concord where we ate, slept, and watched Madea... the three essentials of life. I got to hang with Graeme in Charlotte, which was awesome. It makes me sad that I will just be out of the country for 3 months and not see anyone. Today was Opening Day. It was boring. But the children we have this two weeks are crazy, so I can't wait to tell you about the insanity that is about to take place. Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seatbelts.

bedlam.

2006-06-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a relatively low-key day in my arena. Our afternoon OA was Games With OAP, so it was easy and uneventful. The night OA was the best part of the day. We had this game called Bedlam Ball, which is where we essentially take like 150 or 200 inflatable balls (like the ones in the cages at Wal-Mart) and put them in a pile on the Lower Green. We then divide the campers up into teams, and they all try and score on other teams' goals. It is absolute insanity down there when those kids run at the balls. The best part is seeing the kids completely smack each other with balls. The job for the staff is to stand around the edge of the circle of play and kick balls back into the center. Now, we do not TRY and hit kids with balls. But, being honest, that is only because it is too hard to aim. So, we just take our chances. Well, my chances turned out to be quite painful for one small child. I kicked a ball at full force and it hit him on the side of his face. He made the mistake of turning towards me as he grabbed his face and, as luck would have it, the next ball smacked him with just as much force full in the face. He went down... fast. I felt bad, but giggled a little too. Yes, I giggled. Whatever. There is one child in my tribe who cries all the time about everything. He hates everything we eat and he just makes me want to punch babies. And, his number came up last night. He got a ball straight to his pouting face. He cried, stormed to the side, and whined for the remainder of the night. This is a really short post... but yesterday wasn't anything incredible. But wait for tomorrow's post. You will hear about a Coke truck. Ok, that's all.

say it's good.

2006-06-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it may just be official that Britney Spears is beyond being saved. I mean, the woman is out of her barefooted, backwoods, backup dancer-marrying, cigarette smoking, mildly obese, baby-making mind. I mean, we all thought she was a little off when she made out with a 45-year-old woman on national television, but, for some reason, we excused that one. But, let me tell you what. No one in her right mind schedules an interview with Matt Lauer, and then shows up with unbrushed, nastily bleached, frizzy hair with fugly bangs, a jean skirt reminiscent of 1997, a gross purple shirt, shimmery blue eye makeup, and a huge wad of gum in her mouth. I swear it was an interview segment of COPS. The girl looked like the trailer park had its way with her and then threw her the heck out. She literally SOBBED about how she wanted the papparazzi to leave her alone with Matt Lauer, and then she does an "exclusive interview" with OK! Magazine a week later, then dyes her hair black and does a TOPLESS, PREGNANT PHOTO SHOOT for Harper's Bazaar. The pictures can be seen here. Are you kidding me? Oh well... whatever. Let's hope she takes a long vacation and finds her some Jesus. So, yesterday was our alone night in camp. We had an awesome day, doing some Massive Waterfront since the Apache were the only ones in camp. The unfortunate thing was that one of our children decided to defecate on the dock... twice. You should have seen my face. I shut that dock down and I told those kids what was up. I said, "You BETTER not poop on the dock again. You can have accidents, but tell us when they happen." Well... that didn't work. A few minutes later, we found a child's soiled clothing sitting next to a shower stall covered in feces, including a handprint all along the wall. Because the child left his clothing next to his... work... we knew it was him. I asked him about it and he told me it wasn't him. I said, "Did someone take your clothing, cover it in poop, and then poop in the shower, spread it around, and then leave?" He said, "I don't know." And, it was so weird, but my fist started talking to me. It said, "Please let me hit him. Please let me do it. Just give me one chance. It will make you feel a lot better." I had to ignore my hand. It was sad. I just told that child he would never do that again because I knew he didn't want to find out what would happen if he did. Then, another kid crapped his pants, twice. We had a tribal meeting and are now having dedicated poopy time where each child spends 10 minutes in the bathroom twice a day. No more of this. I will throw down. Besides feces, camp is great.

poopy pants.

2006-06-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

Apparently a small hurricane decided to form over Camp Ridgecrest yesterday. We woke up and it was like a river made its course through our camp overnight. There were rapids in our ditches. I considered finding a kayak just to get in on the action. We sent the kids to skills, and they did all that stuff, which was probably miserable considering the fact that we squeezed a million kids into limited inside space and told the counselors to "be creative." Oh well. The rain continued for hours, and we eventually cancelled the campouts for last night, which wasn't particularly awesome considering the fact that it was supposed to be my night off. But, we definitely didn't want everyone out in thunderstorms. So, we played a rematch of Pillow Polo instead, which Cabin 3 won... finally. The picture of my adorable children above is from that game. Also, the child on the right does not have a lazy eye, even though it looks like he does. That would be really sad. Then, the kids went and unpacked their stuff, and we had dinner. But, during the Pillow Polo game, we noticed an intense scent of feces. The sad thing is, we were all convinced that it was a kid's breath. But, then someone played the smelly game and sniffed the butt area as they walked by and the gag reflex told him that the smell was not breath, but butt. We made him shower and change and then... 30 minutes later... he had pooped his pants again. So we made him shower and change and then... an hour later... he had pooped his pants again. The child disgusts me. We watched "Heavyweights" with the Choctaw as our evening activity, which was fine except for the fact that the movie completely glorifies obesity. I think we all know how I feel about that, so I will not comment. Also, quick shoutout to Meliss and Meredith Query. They IM me upset if a post is not up during the day. They pretty much are amazing. Ok, alone night in camp is tonight. So expect something funny to happen. I do. ALSO!!! IMPORTANT!!! "Madea's Family Reunion: The Movie" and "Madea Goes to Jail" both come out on DVD today. Go buy them! Or we will play grit ball. Thank you.

the day the Lord has made

2006-06-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

I will just begin this by saying that Sunday was muuuuuuuch easier this time around. If you missed the last in-camp Sunday we had, let it suffice to say that I was dreading this Sunday. But, it wasn't bad at all. We get to sleep in on Sundays, which is a belssing since I had been out at Midnight Skating until like 1:30. We had breakfast and then got ready for church. Church was relatively uneventful. I did this drama thing that, if you care, closely resembled the song "I AM" by Nichole Nordeman. The kids seemed to respond well, but I think that is because I told them the story about super-gluing a blanket to my face when I was four. And, yes, that is a true story. We had a staff meeting, blah, blah and then went to the Nibble Nook after rest period. Now, here's the thing I don't exactly understand. Our children are told that we are going to get ice cream and they walk SO FREAKIN SLOW. Well, the more portly ones speed it up. But, come on young ones. We are giving you free ice cream and you walk like we are escorting you to be lynched. I wanna see some spring in that step. But, don't you worry... once we got there it was like there was going to be a world-wide shortage of sugary treats. They were running around with an ice cream cone in one hand and crinkled dollar bills clutched tightly in the other. Cheerwine... Chips... Popcorn... Junk food... Increasing America's obesity problem. I just wanted to stop everyone and say, "You are all becoming statistics." But, I didn't. I just judged with my eyes. That's not true. Well... all true. Whatever. We walked back and had song practice/dinner and then Vespers. Let me just say something about Vespers. We have just fed the children ice cream and dinner and then we tell them that they have to walk to the other end of camp and politely sit through the second worship service of the day. It may just be the most illogical thing we do here at camp. I just don't get it. But... it was ok because I didn't have to go because I was getting everything ready for Council Ring, which was last night. It's the part of camp where we dress up like Indians. I can't explain it, and I don't think anyone would understand or particularly care, even if I did. But, last night, our song of choice was "Apache" to the tune of "My Girl" by The Temptations. It wasn't quite as good as our last song, but I will say that it was pretty good. I love the fact that my 7-year-olds pretty much dominate every time we do Council Ring. Oh, and my quote for the night was the Dane Cook skit about Kool-Aid... minus the f-words. And then we went to Denny's after Council Ring. Just to insert this, Elisabeth has recently alerted me that Denny's is the #1 restaurant for minorities, and, being 1/4 Lebanese, I am proud of this and eager to support a restaurant that supports me. While we were there, the lady sitting behind us continually scoffed at us and gave us mean looks because we were mildly loud and laughing. I mean... not to be rude ma'am, but what the crap did you expect at DENNY'S at 11:30 at night on SUNDAY NIGHT??? I mean, I know she was hoping for an upscale dining experience with a menu that features such gourmet dishes as "Eggs Over Myhammy" and "The Grand Slam Slugger" and a drink as exquisite as "Fizzy Navel." I hated to disappoint her, but, honestly... Suck it the crap up. I just gave her the biggest smile as we left to avoid punching that nasty little look right off her face. It was the best I could do. And that is all.

the longest day... ever.

2006-06-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was absolutely amazing, buuuuut... also incredibly long. We had Central Staff Breakfast, which is where the central staff cooks breakfast for the entire camp. I am aware that the explanation I just gave was almost unnecessary, but whatever. We woke up at 4:45 AM to begin cooking. Now, I don't know the last time I have woken up that early, and I do not plan on doing it again until I come back to camp next summer. But the experience was freakin aweome. We all were just in this mood of not wanting to be up, but knowing that if we didn't make it fun, we would kill ourselves, or poison the food. So, we turned on the most random mix of songs, from "Let's Get it On" (which, by the way, is NOT appropriate for Christian camp, but whatever), "Build Me Up Buttercup", and a number of Jock Jams. Chris Maslin was in an incredibly energetic mood, which I cannot begin to understand, but he danced alllllllll over everyone and just got us hyped. I turned around at one point and saw Karen Neal booty dancing on me while Jared filmed the entire thing. Priceless, I tell you. I was in charge of making pancakes with Bobby Black, Karen, and Shannon. I am not particularly skilled at cooking my own food, but I would say that I did a pretty all-star job on those pancakes. We mixed a little cinnamon sugar in with them. They were good. Not to brag, but yeah. We all changed into country clothing before breakfast and went BUCKWILD when the kids came in to eat. We were screaming "Yee-haw" and square dancing and throwing their plates of food on the tables, and playing country music really loud in the dining hall. The kids just eat it up... no pun intended. We ran around the dining hall with a cart full of grits and dumped grits on kids' plates and made them eat them. We called it the Grit Train and then had the Grit Challenge, where one kid from wach tribe came to the middle of the dining hall and tried to eat a bowl of grits the fastest. It was hilarious. My kid didn't win, but he had an amazing time. We also ran around the dining hall with a big slingshot and shot cartons of milk into the air. They would hit the rafters and smash open, pouring milk on the unsuspecting cabins below. I can't describe the humor I find in raining dairy products of large quantities of children. That sounds unbelieveably sketchy, but I don't care. I do what I want. That afternoon was Socks of the Caribbean Sock War, in which Steven Legeai played Johnny Depp, obviously, and Adam Miller wore a real octopus on his head. It was hilarious, but he smelled bad, so I didn't talk to him until after he showered. Diamond Smuggling was the evening OA, but I didn't play. We had Midnight Skating with the Arap, Sioux, Girl Choctaw, and Cherokee. We waited outside for a little while because they wouldn't let us in until 11:30, which was incredibly annoying. And while we waited outside, our girls were harassed by some thuggish-looking white boys. Now, call me crazy, but I didn't think that the Swannanoa Valley culture was particularly conducive to the breeding of thugs. Apparently, I was very wrong. Well, they were not really thugs. They dressed like them. So I laughed at them... on the inside. I didn't want to get cut or shot at. I mock intelligently. When we finally got inside, I was told that it would cost $8.00. Now, there is nothing about this particular establishment that indicates that an $8.00 entrance fee is necessary. It is fairly clear that the money that they make does not go to beautifying the place. I don't like to use the phrase "ghetto," but if I did, I would use it right here... emphatically. It just wasn't very "high class" roller skating. But, then again, that seems to be an oxymoron anyways. Whatever. Let me just say that the way 14-16 year old girls dress up for boys is a topic that would require a completely different post, but it was hilarious. And sad. It grossed me out in a lot of ways. I got to hang out with Caitlen and Chace. Caitlen and I did the 1,2 Step and realized that we are better than everyone. Just kidding. Kinda. I love watching people fall on roller skates. And people fell. A lot. What a night of laughing at people. That seems to be all. I love this place. A whole lot.

bring on the rain.

2006-06-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day in which rain has dominated our plans here at camp. Luckily, my afternoon activity was inside, anyway. We played different versions of dodgeball, like Ridgecrest Dodgeball, Sink the Bismark, and Battleship. It was so funny because the kids get so into it, but so do the counselors. It is so hard for the staff members to avoid throwing overhand. You see it in their eyes. They want to throw that ball so badly, but they have to hold back and make sure they don't injure children. Without fail, though, a child gets knocked to the ground by a stray ball every time we play those games. And sure enough, Seth threw the ball hard ONE TIME, and the counselor he was throwing at stepped out of the way and it smacked a kid in the face so hard. The sad thing is that the kid is tiny and always a little homesick, so it was one of those moments where the entire staff just gasps and goes, "Oh no." Luckily, the kid got up, cried for a few minutes, then jumped right back into the game. It was hilarious. When we have Retreat (a campwide assembly before dinner), the Tribal Leaders announce their evening activities. Last night, we had a scavenger hunt. I announced it to the kids, and they all yelled. But one child could be clearly heard as he screamed, "I LOVE scavenging!!!" All the staff around him just got really awkward and smiled and nodded at him. Children can be so awkward. I love it. The scavenger hunt was relatively uneventful, so there isn't very much to write about. I am actually a little disappointed that I don't have anything good to write. But rest assured, I will do everything in my power to make sure that something good happens today to write about. If I have to, I will construct a situation in which the only possible outcomes are all humorous. So, stick with me for one more boring day. It will be worth it... I hope.

shannon lied.

2006-06-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

I have to correct my last post. Shannon lied to me. The trash cans were 50 gallons. We had about 750-1000 gallons worth of water ballons. I apologize for misrepresenting the facts. Blame Shannon.

lots of water.

2006-06-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

So... yesterday was my day off, so I didn't post. Lil Mer immed me last night kinda sad that I hadn't posted, so I apologize. Buuuuut... Wednesday was AWESOME! We had the girls over for Slip-N-Slide Kickball. Again... self-inflicted, gender-based segregation. I told the girls that they would be pairing up with the guys and there were looks of absolute terror and horror. I swear, it was like I had just told them that I was going to urinate on and then kill their pet puppy. But, I wasn't going to do that. I just wanted them to play together. Is that so bad? Well, they went and got in line, boy-girl-boy-girl, to bat, while the other half went to the field to play. It went relatively uneventfully. We allowed them to just slip and slide for like 10 minutes at the end of the game, which they loved. Then, we opened up the waterfront for them. That is the source of this amazing picture of Gage up here. Let me tell you about him. He is Bwant (now Brant)'s cousin. He is just as cute as Bwant. When I say that he is too cute for his own good, I mean he is too cute for my own good. I can't get mad at the kid. He smiles at me and one of his front teeth is missing, and the other one is half-grown in. It just gets me every time. I have to leave the yelling and discipline to his counselors. But, we swam for a little while, then went to go get ready for that night's activity. There is this game at Camp Ridgecrest called "Guerilla Warfare." It is essentially a MASSIVE water balloon fight. Over the past few days, we had filled up 20 20-gallon trash cans to the brim with water balloons. That is 400 gallons of water ballons. The mayhem is incredible. The activity is campwide, so everyone plays each other. Apparently the children misunderstood the name of the game, because one kid came up to our Assistant Director, who was there with his dog, points to the dog and says, "Is that the gorilla?" Silly child. Guerilla Warfare commenced, children cried, staffers got angry. Needless to say, it was incredible. One of the best moments of the night was seeing Bwant try to cross the field unnoticed by covering himself in a trash can and slowly moving forward. We laughed. A lot. That was about it for that night. Yesterday was a great day to relax. I went to eat at Taco Bell, Tupelo Honey, and Black Mountain Bistro. It got nicer as the day went on. I went to Mast General, where I bought bright green Crocs. Don't be jealous, please. I watched the World Cup. I hate the referees. I went to Campfire back at camp, where I saw a child stick his hand down his pants and scratch absolutely every inch of skin covered by his underwear. It was quite a disturbing distraction from the speaker. No really good stories to tell. If you have read to the bottom, I applaud you for dealing with the boring nature of this post and apologize for the lack of humor. God love you.

we like to hike.

2006-06-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

Last night, we took another campout. This time, we went to Mt. Kitazuma, which is about a two mile hike from camp. Now, this number does not appear to be particularly daunting, until one considers the fact that the hike took place in the sunlight on an 80 degree day with 29 children with heavy packs on their backs. I sat them down before we started the hike and gave them a small speech. I said, "Do not tell us it is hot. We know. Do not tell us your packs are heavy. So are ours. Do not tell us you don't want to walk anymore. You will walk. Do not ask how much longer. We will not answer. Just enjoy God's creation and keep complaints inside." Well, that approach apparently was not the most effective. I was at the front of the pack and got them to the top of the mountain pretty quickly. As we waited for the others to arrive at the campsite, we heard screams of agony. I was worried because I thought that someone may have been hurt. That was not the case. It was just a child who didn't want to carry his pack anymore and was wailing because he had to. I am not sure I can express how little sympathy I felt. The campsite where we stayed was INCREDIBLY dusty. The children looked like Bill Cosby about 15 minutes in. It was painfully nasty. The kids went and got wood and we built a fire for their hot dogs. This time, we managed to have enough hot dogs for every child, due largely to the fact that our... larger camper from first session is gone. Then we took the kids to the pretty overlook and hung out there. We started playing the "would you rather..." game, and the things the kids came up with were HILARIOUS. They were like, "Would you rather eat poop or kiss your sister?" And they were all like, "EAT POOOOOOOOOP!!!" except for one kid who was like, "Kiss my sister" and everyone just looked at him awkwardly and pretended like he hadn't spoken. Well, we watched the sun go down, and I think that was a cue for our kids to go flippin insane. Four children went into meltdown mode with the setting of the sun. Two kids cried almost to the point of making themselves vomit because they were homesick. One pooped his pants, changed them, then pooped the other pair he brought, so he was freaking out in every way possible because he didn't want to stay at the campsite because he was covered in feces, but didn't want to walk because he was dirty. Another child (similar to the hot dog double-fister from session 1a) just crapped his pants and didn't tell anyone. He didn't have to though. The smell told the whole story for him. Umm, gross. We changed him and then said, "It is time to sleep... NOW." So, we put the tribe to sleep, and, in a random twist of the norm, I got a great night of sleep. So, here I sit in my office, thanking Jesus that I finally feel better and well-rested. Hmm. Oh yes... Sad, Mavs. Save Britney.

what was i thinking?

2006-06-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

from this...

to this...

I am so, so, so ashamed.
Someone save Britney.
Please.

cooler than being cool

2006-06-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our trip for the two weeks. We took the kids to Sliding Rock and Chuck E. Cheese in Asheville. It was amazing. The funny thing was that it was already cold outside, so having the kids get in the freezing water definitely froze them to death. But apparently they didn't care, because they kept going down the rock over and over and over and over. I think there was a kid who went down like 40 times in the two hours that we were there. I couldn't get in because I was already sick, which made me sad. But I watched my staff go down in trains and everything. They were cracking me up. The faces that children make when they drop into ice-cold water are priceless. It looks as though someone has just cut off a vital part of their body. Yet they go under and emerge with their fists in the air, screaming about how awesome it was. And then, they go again. Obviously. So, being the amazing Tribal Leader that I am, I made sure the bus driver knew where she was going and told her to go ahead, and that I would grab the minivan. But thennnnnnnn I realized that I didn't have directions for myself. So we found Karen Neal, the camp photographer, and told her we would follow her. I let Lauren Ferguson drive the van because I didn't feel well. Unfortunately, we missed the exit we were supposed to take and lost everyone that we were following. So, Lauren and I attempted to remember where Sliding Rock was from our previous visits to the attraction. Due to the fact that we are awesome (and that Lauren called someone), we got to Sliding Rock without any other problems. However, we realized that, despite the fact that Karen Neal was 10 minutes ahead of us in driving, she was not at the park. But, we went inside anyways and hoped that she would show up and take pictures. An hour later, she arrived with Jared, the videographer. I was like, "Hi. Where were you?" Karen told me they stopped at a gas station. Obviously, she lied. She got lost. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying that we got there without getting lost. No big deal. Well, the kids went down the rock, blah blah. Then we left. We drove to Chuck E. Cheese, where we met up with Robert Suggs and Bobbly Black (who is, coincidentally, the only black man on staff, and an amazing person who is a Madea fan... yessssss). Now, I can't stand incompetency. And the staff there epitomized that concept. First of all, they lost our reservation, so I had to rework the entire thing yesterday morning. Then we arrive and they act as though they have never encountered a large group of children before. I was thinking, your job is to facilitate birthday parties that consist of large groups of children. Please act as though you have any idea what you do for a living. They were unable to divide by 5 as we attempted to order pizza. They were unable to calculate pricing. It was just incredibly painful. But, things worked out so the children ate and played games. It was sweeeeet. I made the mistake of eating pizza and almost puked my brains out. I went to bed early and feel much better today. I believe that is all. Oh, I also realized I am overly protective of my new camera. Ok. Bye.

sick of sick

2006-06-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

This is what I feel like. I just want to sleep forever. Being sick and working session break and then bringing in a new group of 29 7 and 8 year olds is really just a miserable experience. There's not much to write about. I want to get better. Hopefully, that will happen soon so I can interact with my kids fully. I promise, once I feel better, I will post something interesting.

is anyone surprised?

2006-06-18T07:08:00.001-07:00

Oh, J.J. As if the lacrosse players weren't enough...
Put down the Smirnoff ice and pull down that half-popped collar.
Poor kid... Maybe he can write a poem about this.

i love beach music.

2006-06-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

Thursday was nothing to write home about. I was sick. I slept all day. Whatever. But, I felt a little better for Friday, closing day. My family came up to visit, which was amazing. They also brought Caitlin Dziubek, my sister's best friend from Tampa. It was so good to see all of them. And I am not going to be able to see my dad on Father's Day, so my brother and I made him a card and gave it to him yesterday. He also brought me my new camera, which was so freakin awesome. I have been taking picture after picture since I got it. But, the family got here at like 12 and we got to hang out and eat lunch. But, the funniest thing happened. Ashley Olson is one of our nurses here, along with her mother, Beth. I decided that I want to be part of that family, so I told Beth and Ashley that I plan on marrying Ashley sometime this summer. So, yesterday, I sent my parents to go get a fake engagement ring from the Conference Center bookstore before they came here. In the middle of the dining hall, I got on one knee and proposed to Ashley. The best part was that, at first, she honestly thought I was serious and she just looked completely shell-shocked. But as soon as she realized that I wasn't serious, she started playing along and yelling and telling people how excited she was to get married. We even took a fake engagement picture so people could see the ring. It was hilarious. My mom even stood to the side and acted as a photographer. That was the one factor that made it obvious that the whole thing was a joke. If I had really been proposing, my mother would have had to take some sort of sedative a few hours in advance. We had closing, the family left, blah blah blah. We had a staff meeting, then the staff left, and Session Break started. We ordered pizza for the kids and then took them putt-putt. Then, today, we took them to a water park and I got really sunburned. (Sorry Mom...) But, I am feeling much better. The water park was incredibly sketchy though. It was in the middle of Tennessee, and there were a lot of really gross people there. I'm not judging, just being honest. At one point, I was talking to Brooke and Kelly, and Kelly leans over to me and goes, "I don't want to freak you out, but there is a Band-Aid floating between your legs." I obviously freaked out and promptly exited the water. I was afraid to touch it again because of urine and syphyllis. Umm, sick nasty. More to come later...

whodunit?

2006-06-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was pretty awesome, even though I was sick on and off all day. I went to buy Dairy King for Cabin 2 during rest period because they won that prize at Carnival. If you didn't know, attempting to purchase 10 Arctic Swirls and a Lemonade while it is 80 degrees outside is not a particularly efficient or mess-free process. Shannon the Awesome was such a trooper and held all those dripping trays on her lap as we drove back to camp. Kudos to her. As I was standing in line at DK, I felt my stomach just go bad. I thought I was just overly full from chicken tenders and mac and cheese, but the next 24 hours would prove that assumption incorrect. We headed back to camp, distributed DK to the children, and had a fire drill in preparation for today's American Camping Association accredidation inspection. I can't even convey the awesomeness that that fire drill was. Our afternoon activity was OAP, which was great because we didn't have to be in charge of anything. Unfortunately, right before we started, one of my kids puked all over the 4-square courts. It was gross, and it definitely didn't help my upset stomach. So, I attempted to sleep on the grass while Dru led the kids in games. I did drag myself up to play Captain's Coming, a staple at Dv8. That made me excited, but also more sick. As I started feeling worse, I just slept in the Lake Lodge while everyone ate dinner. I showered, thinking that I would feel better, and came back down just in time for Campwide Clue. I was feeling (almost) fine at this point, so I joined up with Karen Neal to go from station to station photographing the kids and the celebrity suspects. The game ended with the revelation that Dakota Fanning killed our camp director with a roundhouse kick to the face because she was worried that he would expose her bedwetting problem. Obviously. Nelson Heard was a great Lindsay Lohan, so I got him to take a picture with me while he was still in drag. Just a little uncomfortable. At this point, the cabin staff and the TL's went to Boscobel, the staff house, and hung out and ate Zaxby's while the central staff and the kids watched "Elf." I came back a little early and tried to nap so that I would feel better for Mystery Late Night Dinner. We went to Cabin 1 at like 11:30 and busted in and turned the lights on and started yelling for the kids to wake up. It was hilarious, because half of them jumped out of bed and ran out to the bus, while the other half layed in their beds and cried until we dragged them out. That dinner was one of the most fun nights I have ever had. We squeezed me, Patrick Patterson, Shannon, Ashley, Scott Suggs, and two kids into one booth. I don't think I stopped laughing until the last 10 minutes, when I started feeling pukey again. Josh, one of the campers, ordered wings as an appetizer, and when he got them, we all realized that he doesn't have his front two teeth. Watching him eat those wings was one of the more humorous things I have ever experienced. Stupid me, I ordered a full meal even though I was already feeling sick. I ate some of it, and we went back to camp. I went to sleep but was tossing and turning until about 4:15, when I woke up and went to the bathroom. The floor of the bathroom was wet, so I didn't want to kneel on it. Let me say that I have only puked twice since I was in sixth grade, so it took a lot for me to do it last night. But around 4:45 I realized that it was time, so I put a finger in my throat and said hello to those Huddle House hashbrowns. Mmm-mmm good. The road to recovery is apparently a long one.

i rove china

2006-06-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, we took our children to China. It was the Third Annual Apach Chinese Expedition. We took them down to Canteen and told them they were going to get served on the inside where the big kids usually go because we were alone in camp for the night. Adam walked inside and said, "Shay, someone outside needs to talk to you." As I walked out, I slammed the door and started yelling like I was getting beat up. Then, two other staff members dressed in camo and black came in and told the kids that I had been kidnapped. The kids were then taken into a dark room, where Bobby Black, the camp pastor, was tied to a chair. He was interrogated (and slapped) by the other two counselors and given an "injection" of the "truth serum." After the injection, he told the kids that I had been taken to China. The kids were given the truth serum (a misxture of Sprite and grenadine), blindfolded, and loaded into the hay wagon. The truck drove around the lake twice as the counselors pretended that Chinese soldiers were chasing them and attacking them. The kids were loaded into canoes (wearing life jackets, of course) and a counselor paddled them across the lake, while two other staffers stood with me on the blob tower and threw water balloons at them. We told them that they were being bombed... obviously. I accidentally hit one kid in the head with one, but after the game was over, he ran up to me and was like, "Shay, I actually got hit with a bomb in the head and I survived!!!" It was awesome. After they canoed, they were led across the Middle Green to this unused road at the back of camp, where I was tied to a gate. They freed me just as it started raining, so I led them down to the infirmary, which we had decorated in Dollar Store Chinese paraphernalia. They ate a Chinese meal which could have been the most disgusting food... ever. So I told my staff that I would get them Wendy's later. After dinner, we played dodgeball with the kids. Now, even though staff can only throw underhand, it is still an amazing stress reliever to pelt small children with 4-square balls. They didn't even cry. Then, we put the kids to bed and I went with Shannon the Awesome to get Wendy's. We were stupid enough to order food for 10 people and not check the order after we got it. We got back to camp and we were short 2 Frosty's, 1 french fry, Sprite, and... Ranch Dressing. Now, you can mess with my frozen beverages or my fried potatoes, but you take away my Ranch, and you know I'm gonna throw down. So I threw that car right into reverse and drove back to Wendy's like Satan was chasing me. I think they knew I was coming, because the manager came to the window. He gave us all our food and even a new thing of chicken nuggets because mine were lukewarm. It was great. I came back to camp, ate, and got to sleep at 10:15. Here's the thing: I sleep with my cell phone because I set my alarm to vibrate and it wakes me up. I know that may be weird, but whatever. Well, last night, I woke up and realized that my phone was nowhere to be found. I freaked out and looked, but it was dark and I didn't want people to wake up and think I was crazy. So... I went back to sleep and woke up this morning as the phone vibrated under the bed. How it got to the center of the bottom of the bed is BEYOND me, but it happened. My phone is now under control and sitting front of me, though. That is all.

i'm having fun

2006-06-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, so as I have read over the last few posts that I have made, I realize that it has sounded like my time here at Camp Ridgecrest for Boys has been miserable. That just isn't true. Things have been incredible. But, no one wants to read boring, happy stuff. So I write about the crazy, stupid stories that happen. Last night was my "night off" because my kids went on a campout and I didn't. Well, there were a few things that happened during that evening. We ordered a large meal from a restaurant in town. When we got our food, was the order right? No. But we ate it anyway. Then, Robert Suggs busts in tellin me that someone has to go with him to pick up some girls from girls camp who got lost on their day hike. So I go and pick them up and drive them back to camp, while they are sitting behind me screaming, "Oh my gosh, are we going 80 miles per hour?" It took every ounce of energy to not turn around and say, "Little girls, we are going 61 miles per hour. Say one more thing and see what happens. Just try me. I want to hear you say one more thing." Ooh I was mad as a wet hen (thank you Beth Olson), so I turned up my music so loud that they couldn't talk. A little Derek Webb never hurt anyone... especially me, cause you know I needed Jesus at that point. Later that night, a Dairy King run was in order. Now, the last few times we have gotten Arctic Swirls from Dairy King, they have been less than properly mixed. So, for some unknown reason, the group decided that I was the best person to address this problem with the lady working behind the counter. Let me make it clear, I am scared of angry mountain folks, so I treated that lady like she was made of gold. I put on my southern accent and smiled so big and said, "Ma'am, we love us some Dairy King. And it has just been so sad to get our food the last few times and find that there were just chunks of topping not mixed in. We want to keep comin back. Can you make sure that it is mixed well?" I think my eyelashes did her in, cause she just smiled right back and said, "Yessir, we never want to lose valued customers." And the good Lord knows that those Arctic Swirls were mixed so well. It was awesome... until we realized that we had 8 Arctic Swirls that were quickly melting on our trip back. I said as nicely and as Christlike as possible to the people riding in my car, "Spill inside my car and I will punch you in the face." We avoided spills... thank Jesus. We got back and found the scene pictured above. Dru Swain was laying on the couch drawing the wax out of his ears with a candle. The smell and the resulting wax were absolutely vile. I gagged a little bit. Tapouts were last night, but there was nothing extraordinary to report. Well... I believe that is all. P.S. Sad performance at the World Cup. Buuuuuuut... Go Mavs.

sunday bloody sunday

2006-06-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

As a counselor, Sundays at camp tend to be relatively low-key and easy. As a tribal leader, they take on a characteristic most often encountered in the sixth ring of Hell. Now, let me say that I love the Sabbath and I respect it, but yesterday made me want to just punch a baby. There were a few glitches in the church service, but overall it was fine. The real problems arose when we attempted to go to Nibble Nook, an ice cream place at the conference center near our camp. Obviously, a thunderstorm descended on camp and lasted just long enough to insure that EVERY OTHER tribe in camp got to ride a bus. However, when it was time for the 7-year-olds to leave (about 30 minutes later than we were supposed to), someone decided the weather was PERFECT for a walk. That just didn't make me happy. I called my tribe to the front of the Lake Lodge and waited for 15 minutes for them. I was supposed to go with them, but at this point I handed the radio and camper money to one of my staffers and went to get ready for our song at Council Ring. While preparing our song, I found myself to be incredibly thirsty. The idea of a fountain drink appealed to me on so many levels, so I called one of my fellow central staffers and asked him to bring me one when he drove back to camp. Upon his return, I found that he had, in fact, not purchased my drink. Ashley offered to run to the canteen and buy me a drink. I don't know why, but I really wanted a cup and ice. So, I called some other staffers and... no luck. Now, this just made me a little angry. So, I improvised and got a cup and ice from the kitchen, but... still not the same. When my guys finally got back from ice cream, we practiced our song and then went to dinner. During the Vespers service, the other Tribal Leaders and I assembled feather armbands in preparation for Council Ring. Now, due to the fact that we had absolutely no clue what we were doing, the situation devolved into stress and just a little anger on my part. I then realized that I had no batteries for my freakin boom box for my song on Council Ring, so I proceeded to freak and make a campwide announcement begging for C-batteries. Desperate? Yes. But, we got to the hill and my song happened to be one of the best two. I believe that is directly related to the fact that it was to the tune of "I Love Beach Music" by the Embers. A little shagging never hurt anyone. You can take that one and put it in your back pocket. We went to Denny's afterwards and our table of four finished all of our Grand Slam meals in under 4 minutes. No joke. I leave you with a quote from Madea:
"See y'all think Rosa Parks stayed on that bus trying to help black people. Let me tell you the real reason why Ms. Rosa didn't get off that bus. I was at the bus stop like this. Get off the bus, Rosa. Get off the bus, ROSA."

maybe the best day at camp i have ever experienced

2006-06-11T12:55:00.000-07:00

So yes... Saturday at Camp Ridgecrest dominates in a mighty way. On the Saturdays when we have Carnival (like yesterday), we switch the schedule all around and have Sock War in the morning, skills in the afternoon, and Carnival at night. Let me just TRY to explain how suh-weet it was. The Sock War theme was X-Sock III, and the introduction culminated with Calen riding in on the top of a car as Magneto and Billy riding a motorcycle up the hill at a ridiculous speed in true Wolverine fashion. Little known fact about me: I was obsessed with X-Men as a child. Like, I wanted to be a mutant with every normal, boring bone in my body. And sometimes I actually wonder why I had no friends until i was 17. Awesome. But, I got my nerdy high for the day with the X-Sock intro and proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon "supervising" swimming skill by laying out and tanning on the blob tower and the dock. It was incredible. Carnival started at 6, and I was signed up to be in the dunking booth from 6-6:15. The water in that thing was ungodly cold. It literally hurt my feet to touch it. Of course, I was dunked over and over. I was not very happy, but kids get a sick pleasure from seeing authority figures embarassed, so I just sucked it up. At Carnival, the kids play games to get "Ron Dollars," which they can use later in the night to buy prizes for their cabin at the auction. One of the prizes is Mystery Late Night Dinner, which is where we take the winning cabin to Huddle House at 11:30 at night. Essentially, it is a chance for us to see half-asleep 7-year-olds interacting with crazy townies in the middle of the night. In two words, awkwardly awesome. I spent the remainder of my Carnival night going to all of my Apache (but especially Cabin 1) telling them to get Ron Dollars. As the night wound down and the auction took place, Cabin 1 secured the prize. I actually did a dance in celebration of this feat. First of all, they came in 3rd place in the camp, beating all of the teenagers. Ooh holler. But, I was excited mostly because one of the campers in Cabin 1 is... Brant Wrobleski. If you are not familiar with this incredible child, please refer to earlier posts to be enlightened. I got to experience Huddle House with Brant last year, and it was an outing for the ages. He continually asked for "mow peppew fow my chicken tendews." That kid... We cleaned up from Carnival and then began preparing for a birthday party for our camp director, Ron Springs. There are a number of things you should know about this party. It is a celebration of his 60th birthday. Interestingly enough, his 60th birthday is not for another 10 years and 1 month. It was really just an excuse for the staff to leave their cabins and party up at the infirmary. We moved all the beds out of the way in the infirmary and blasted a little Ursher and danced, ate cake, drew the belly button on the Ron, and got crunk... for Jesus. It was amazing. Ron had to leave early, so we had a dance competition in which Billy Jones got low with a cutout of Ron on the wall. We even played about 30 seconds of "Fantasy" by Luda until someone realized that "I wanna lick, lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toes" was not an appropriate lyric to be playing in a predominately male group of Christian camp staff members. So... song change. I got to chill a little with some of the SALT dudes, who dominate hardcore. They are 17-year-old volunteers who work their butts off for camp. We like them a lot. But... yes... amazing day. Oooooooh... best story from Carnival. One of the Cabin 2 campers came running by me with his counselor. He was holding his butt and going, "I can't make it! I can't make it!" He was thisclose to pooping his pants. I sent him inside the Lake Lodge to use the restaurant, but the smell he sent my way as he passed made me chuckle and think sadly, "It's too late." Poor counselor. Holler back.

post. script.

2006-06-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

Elisabeth413 (2:18:56 PM): you could have said "and the best part of the day was when my beautiful talented and wonderful girlfriend came to visit and we played basketball and now she and bwant are best friends"

there. happy? :)

day off?

2006-06-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my day off. Now let me preface this by saying that I did not believe that I was in need of a day off, but I was politely informed that yesterday was going to be the only option for me to take off this session. So I said, "Day off it is." However, Calen and Scott Suggs both thought that waking me up before 8:30 AM would be a good idea. Let me just make it clear that it was not, in fact, a good idea. Despite my fits of anger, I got up and got ready. I went into Asheville alone, cause I'm that cool. I was at Barnes and Noble for like 30 minutes and Adam Verlander called me like 20 times, so I called him back. I drove back to Black Mountain for lunch at My Father's Pizza. They have moved the entrance to the restaurant up the hill. I really just don't appreciate that, but they apparently did not think that consulting me was an important part of that decision-making process. David Weaver told me that he was going to meet us for lunch, but he didn't. And I am mad at that. We went back to camp where I got to see Lil Mer, Meliss, Chrissy, and Hardy. That was a fun little group. Ashley Olson and I went to CVS to pick up some medicine for a camper and the lady behind the counter was really unfriendly. Now, if you know me, you know that I hate when people are grouchy with their jobs. My motto is, "Suck it up or get out." I do not feel like dealing with your unhappiness. I complain enough on my own, thank you. She made us wait for like 15 minutes so she could "mix the medicine." First of all, that junk better be mixed before you call my camp and tell me it's ready to be picked up. Second of all, you know all that woman did was sit there and shake the bottle and bang it against the table. Ashley got a little frustrated cause she was sayin, "I can shake the dang bottle. Please just give us the medicine." When we finally got it, that lady did not smile, and we just rolled up our window and got on out of that piece. It made me almost as mad as when that lady at Bojangles didn't give me a straw. Ooh... I almost jumped through that window. But then the night got better because we got to go to dinner with Ms. Rose Verlander. Ooh, Ms. Rose. Love her. Although our waitress did not seem to understand that empty glasses need tobe refilled. Whatever. The night ended with a little visit from Elisabeth and a trip to Dairy King. I am relaxed. And avoiding playing Sock War. Mmhmm, the good life.

these are the days

2006-06-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

As you can see, Camp Ridgecrest recieved the honor of a visit from Erika "E" Shelburne this week. It was awesome. There was a reunion of the most thugged-out waterfront central staff that has ever pretended to teach swimming class at this camp. We just knew that we had to take a picture to remind people how hard we are. Don't mess with us. We will cut you and not think twice. Overall, yesterday was relatively uneventful. E and I tanned on the dock during rest period. Of course, the Sioux returned to camp just as Erika turned onto her chest and untied her top. She's just like that. I mean, I'm not bragging, but if I keep laying out like that I'm gonna be pretty hot by the end of the summer. No big deal. Our afternoon activity was my least favorite idea that has ever been concocted in this place: Fort Apache. Essentially, we give the kids tools and they run aorund the woods behind Apache Circle and make a pretend fort. Now, I know that I am responsible for planning our schedule, so I could have left that mess out. But, the kids love it, and, despite it all, this is not Camp Ridgecrest for Shay Corbett. So... we did it. But I will tell you that climbing through the woods with kids and cutting down branches and tying things with string while it is hot and buggy is not my activity of choice. Those are the days you just give it to Jesus. But last night, we played Chair Tic-Tac-Toe in the gym. Holler to Dv8 for the idea. The kids loved it and watching them smash into each other at high speeds kinda made my day. Campfire was last night too, and I got to sit with my brother and hang out with him for like an hour afterwards. He's a stud. Now, as hard as this is for me to say, the kid is much cooler than me. There it is. I can't ever deny it. Oh yeah... I am putting pictures online from this summer. The website is listed under my links. Holler at those.

baked beans

2006-06-08T06:01:00.000-07:00

Messy games at Camp Ridgecrest are always a-may-sing. We invited the Chippewa, out sister "village" at Camp Crestridge over for a day of craziness. As usual, I was stressed. (Sidenote: This morning, in our tribal leader meeting, we were read the scripture that says, "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power, that is at work within us, be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, forever." I was glad to know that God will do more than I can imagine, because I'm not imagining so well these days.) Now let me just say that 7 and 8 year old boys and girls do not interact particularly well. They look at each other disdainfully and refuse to touch. However, we did everything in our power to break their resistance and encourage integration of the sexes. The Apache tribe sings "The Beaver Song" relatively frequently at this camp and one of our children asked if we could sing that song for the girls. Adam, my inappropriate staffer who attends the God-forsaken "educational institution" in Chapel Hill, turned and said, "Hmm, appropriate." I just found that to be humorous. We began the games by playing Egg Roulette, in which 1/3 of the eggs are hard-boiled and the others are raw. Each camper gets an egg and smashes it on his/her head. The raw ones sit down, and this continues until one child wins. Watching girls voluntarily smash raw eggs on their heads is just plain awesome. We then did an egg toss, which was really just stalling as we prepared for "Decorate Your Staffer" in which the kids used a number of kitchen products to decorate their favorite staff member. By the end of the activity, the staff was covered in nast. But we pulled out the 120-foot slip and slide and covered it in everything we could find. I believe the final combination included: chocolate syrup, pancake syrup, water, baby shampoo, baked beans, margarine, whipped cream, watermelon, and eggs. By the end of the day, it looked as though someone had vomited on our collective group. Sick-freakin-nasty. But the kids loved it. We started to play a game of steal the bacon with a greasy watermelon, but then we realized that we were essentially sponsoring "syrup wrestling" with the boys and girls, so that game came to a decidely swift demise. That is not a very good story to send home to mom and dad. We took the kids down to the lake, washed them off, and then had a picnic on the Middle Green. I wish I had a picture, because it was an exercise in sex-based segregation. Those kids didn't even want to look at each other. Oh, cooter... I mean... cooties. Oh... the picture up top was a kid who got a bloody nose in the middle of messy games. I mean, what an inappropriate time. Ugh. Today should be fun. Campfire is tonight, which is when we have the most decisions for Christ. It's awesome. So... ima go holler at some stuff in the office. Holler back, yungun.

thank God i'm a country boy

2006-06-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

...And so began our campout to Royal Gorge. Actually, the campout began about an hour before I got there, but I packed the truck and met the kids up there. Yesterday was just a little bit out of control, which is appearing to become the norm for my tenure as Tribal Leader. Things appeared to be normal until we began cooking. All of a sudden, our ten extra hot dogs disappeared as the campers dropped weiner after weiner into the fire. We realized that we had just enough hot dogs for each staffer to have one, which was a step down from my original plan for each staffer to have two. Unfortunately, one of our larger campers came over to us and swore up and down that he had not eaten a hot dog, despite the fact that every member of the staff had seen him double fisting cooking sticks over the fire just moments before. Tears emerged and the theatrics began. I may be slightly dramatic, but this kid was just annoying. The last thing I need is for some kid to go home and tell his parents that I wouldn't feed him, so I gave him a hot dog and sent him along his merry way. Suddenly short on weiners, our staff put our heads together to decide what to do. We concluded that a covert, expedient trip to Wendy's was the best option. Adam and I drove to Black Mountain, got Wendy's and started heading back up to the campsite. On the way, a dog ran towards our moving vehicle while barking. Needless to say, I almost crapped my pants. However, I didn't actually stop for about 20 yards. When I did stop, though, I laughed uncontrollably and maybe said a bad word. It scared me. We got to the campsite, ate, blah blah blah, and put the kids to bed around 10. I fell asleep and awoke at 11:30 to children running around and yelling and fighting. Those kids did not even know the danger they were in wakin me up at 11:30 at night. I tore out of that tent like the ghetto had just erupted inside me. I was tellin people to hold my bling. I went over to those children and delivered one of the most intimidating monologues those niños have ever encountered. It worked, and I went back to sleep with my alarm set for 7:45AM. I was so tired that I was able to overlook the 45-degree angle upon which I slept. However, when 5:30 rolled around, there were more screaming children. Not cool. I finally got out of bed at 7 and made them pack up since they were awake. Now that I am back at camp, a nap is calling my name. But hey, despite the ridiculous chain of events that has been the last two days, I am having an INCREDIBLE time.

and plans fly away

2006-06-06T04:47:00.000-07:00

Well... let's just say that the trip yesterday just didn't go exactly as planned. As I wrote yesterday, I planned a trip to go tubing, etc. Well, 2:30 rolls around and our friendly bus driver pulls into camp. I walk over to say hello and talk about where we were going and she tells me that the bus company had called and left a message a few days before saying that the road we needed to take to go tubing was a road on which the bus was not allowed to travel. She then told me that she had a new set of directions, but that it would add 4 hours to our travel time. Now, if you didn't know, I work with 7-9 year old boys. If you think I was going to spend 4 MORE hours in a bus with those children, I am going to need you to put down the pipe. That is just crazy. I said, "Goodbye tubing. Hello Fun Depot." So, 30 minutes later, we found ourselves in the middle of laser tag and video games. The kids were well behaved. I just got really mad because my laser gun didn't work very well during the second game, and my team lost. I don't deal well with losing, especially when I know I shouldn't... which is always. But whatever. We then went to the Italian restaurant, which, as usual, was freakin unbelievable. And my kids were so well-behaved that we let them sit at their own big table and all the "big kids" (i.e. the staff) sat at our own table. I'm not sure which group felt more rewarded by this. A competitive game of putt-putt followed. By the time we got back to camp, I thought that the staff was going to just sit down and die. We were so tired and stressed. But... Shannon (our tribal sweetheart) and I went to Wendy's and got the staff Frosty's. But, this leads me to another sticking point I have. It is the middle of June. And last night, the low was in the mid-40's. I mean, honestly. Why the crap is it so cold? Why am I sitting in my office in my sweatpants and a Patagonia? Why? Why? Why? But, otherwise, everything is awesome. We have a campout tonight. I'm gonna drive the packs up to the kids because our campsite is accessible by vehicles. Oh, the hard life of working with small children. Thank ya.

brought to you by the letter "r"

2006-06-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

This is a really sad story... Brant Wrobleski has now learned to pronounce his r's correctly. At least in his name. I heard him say it and my heart just sank. Even though most of the other times, he doesn't say them correctly, it still hurts my heart. However, I take comfort in the fact that he still has massive cowlicks that make him look like Batman. AAAAAAAAAAAnd... he came back with a mullet. Is there anything better? I think not, friends. Opening day was scary and hard. I lost my voice trying to calm my kids down. But my staff showed up in a big way and really helped me out. We are going on a trip today, which should be cool. We are going tubing, putt-putt, and to this INCREDIBLE Italian restaurant. Needless to say, I can't wait. Anything is better than sitting behind a table, like I had to do all day yesterday. And parent after parent came to me and asked me why I didn't have the form that they had faxed in, as though I had been eagerly sitting at the Camp Ridgecrest fax machine for the last 10 months, eagerly awaiting the form telling me that their son wants to take Indian Lore. I mean... whatever, I'm not bitter.

2006-06-04T15:41:00.000-07:00

I am not fat.

so it begins

2006-06-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

So... Camp is upon us. The picture you see above you is a nice little snapshot from our night off in Asheville. We ate at this amazing restaurant called Tupelo Honey and then went to see all the hippies dance in the African drum circle. Staff week was phenomenal. It has been a good while since I felt like I felt God in a real way. And I got asked to lead worship one night for the guys and girls staffs. And it was better than the worship at Passion. It was just 120 college students who have dedicated their summers to telling kids about Jesus Christ for awful pay singing at the top of their lungs. I could hardly sing through the excitement I felt. The staff this year is really solid and the guys that are working under me are so freakin talented. I can't wait to see how they interact with the kids! It should be amazing. Today is opening day and there are going to be about 120 kids coming through our gates. I am nervous because I realize that I am in charge of planning a summer that they will enjoy. But I am taking a little comfort in the fact that I am not really in control. God has it covered. It's just hard to remember that all the time. My favorite camper of all time is coming back today and I just can't wait. His name is Brant Wrobleski but he just can't say his r's, so his name comes out at Bwant Wobleski. He is awesome. I was saying earlier that if he has learned to say r's correctly, he is dead to me. Well, not really. But I will be really sad. Haha. He dominates! This morning, before the kids got here, we walked around camp and prayed over different parts of camp. I just got so excited because I realized that I was in the place where I found Jesus and that camp is one of the most beautiful places I have ever encountered. I just identified with David when he wrote in Psalm 19, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard." So, to end this little post, I leave you with the verse I am clinging to this summer:

"Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

P.S. I look like I have gained 20 pounds in that picture. I haven't.